Volume 2

Edition 6

4 July, 1997

This could be the last newsletter for a short time.

And I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Cheryl for her typing, editing, correcting, compiling and copying all the past newsletters.

Alas! until we buy a computer, printer and copier it all comes to an end.

The Rich River Invitational is still on, but only if we get a positive response.

Melbourne Cup Weekend

Friday - Sunday inclusive

Two days golf (stableford event) AT RICH RIVER

or at All Rivers Motor Inn

This time it’s no frills, golf and accommodation

Golf - Two days @ $30 per day per person

Accommodation - Two days @ $60 per day per person twin share

(includes 3 course meal plus full breakfast each day) * ask Andrew Petricola about the breakfasts.

Total cost per head (Motel) $180 Non golfer $120 and includes late checkout.

As only 16 tee times have been booked, we need to know urgently of those who are interested, so we can open vacancies to visitors.

As with Kingston Links late acceptances will be deleted.

The above fees cover trophies and give always.

- 2 -

Dummy Spit of the Month

Who was so disgusted with his putting that he decided that a meeting of his putter’s shaft and the trunk of a eucalypt would solve his problems? - Result - new putter.

We won’t mention his name but his initials start with Andrew Petricola

Why is it that just before a player achieves greatness, he bemoans his handicap, swearing the world is out to get him.

Rodger Clarke despite all his protesting swept all before him by winning this year’s Winter Cup. Not only did he win it overall but maintained his performance of the first week by winning the second round outright. (He also did the same in GolfPass) Rodger has admitted quietly that he wanted this one.

Volume 2

Edition 5

6 June, 1997

The concept of this paper is to keep members informed on what is happening in our Club and at the course.

It had been suggested that we should look for a venue that offered annual membership to lower members’ costs. However, after investigating alternatives, it was decided to stay at Ivanhoe. It was agreed by all, that the benefits outweighed the negatives (speak to a committeeman).

Howard is plotting a scheme that will take in the winter months - July through September - I will find out the details and keep you informed, or (speak to a committeeman).

Fred the Red said Kingston Links was a great place to visit, although he wasn’t used to night golf, and despite there being no beef on the menu, the food and surroundings for our dinner was excellent.

If people want, we’ll try and book an earlier tee time for our next sojourn, possibly in September.

As mentioned in the last newsletter, we need to increase our numbers.

Welcome to Miles who last week submitted his second card and his friend Alan who submitted his first.

It was gratifying to see at this time of the year, seventeen players tee off, despite the presence of many of our regular players.

If we keep growing at this rate, Howard will be able to keep his staff at home, at least until noon.

The new course developments are taking shape rapidly and everybody is chaffing at the bit to play the new three holes. From then on we don’t care how many holes Howard closes, especially if the dreaded 15th is one of the first.

Chris Priems and Tony Mifsud are now joint Tee Marshalls. Seek your tee time with either.

Rodger Clarke was elected to the position of Assistant Treasurer.

Congratulations and hand shakes are in order.

This year our trip to Rich River will be on the Melbourne Cup weekend.

As mentioned last month, the CAD players are going.

I have also received interest from about six other players.

At this stage it is impossible to estimate costs (however these should be no greater than last trip) but, the greater the numbers the lower the cost and the greater the trophies and giveaways.

These trips are all self funded and need your support to see them succeed.

PLEASE register your initial interest with Neil over the next four weeks, so he can make initial arrangements.

UNTIL NEXT MONTH - AND A COMPUTER!!

SPIT THE DUMMY BOB - possibly the hardest player to partner, but the nicest guy to befriend.

Bob has a very real Jekyl & Hyde personality. Extremely hard on himself as a golfer, but generous to a fault to his partners.

Occasionally though, he takes a deep breath, slows himself down and achieves a touch of greatness.

He did that recently when he took out Golf Passes Monthly Masters.

Bob will be presented with his Award later this month. Bookings are available at the front counter. Come along and support him.

Volume 2

Edition 4

2 May, 1997

Two years ago the members of our Club voted for a new system to establish a Club Champion. The course taken was in itself revolutionary and not all members agreed with the outcome, believing a two or four game match should be the decider. The main concern of dissenting voters was the fear that the low handicappers would be disadvantaged under a point scoring system. Well, last year our lowest handicapper maintained consistent form to take out the title.

Once again, congratulations STEVE COLE.

This year, at this point, Steve is currently in third place - to, would you believe it - another low handicapper - DAVID FORD. You see, it doesn’t matter what hurdles (or handicaps) you present to an achiever, they always persist and strive to attain new heights.

Even at Club level: Champions are made of this

For what it’s worth, there are currently 27 players on our team sheet. However, when you consider that seven of these have disqualified themselves from competition, either by lapsing or not completing their qualifying rounds, it’s good to see that, of the remaining twenty, eighteen players have championship points.

Damned better odds than the Brownlow.

As mentioned in the previous article, we currently have twenty active members, and thank God their as active as a queen bee in a hive.

Recently, we have had consistent turnouts of 15 plus players each week (just don’t drop off when the weather turns foul).

We have to thank a couple of people for introducing new members this year. - Allan Davies introduced Gerry Barber who in turn, brought along another starter in Keith Delzoppo. Both have fitted in brilliantly and have somewhat raised the tone of the Club. Another member who put his hand up to be counted was Fred Howe who through his introduction of Chris Priems, managed to convince Chris’ brother, Robert to join. Well, there goes the neighbourhood. Jokes aside, Chris has been a great supporter of extra curricular activities and has consistently put his money where his mouth is. Speaking of which...........

Although, he has chosen a unique fashion statement, that neither Pierre Cardin or Yves St Laurent would endorse (it has been suggested his adviser is an escapee from a Turkish refugee camp or either a Romany gypsy), Chris is through and through a Club man.

Between juggling his duties as father to two young children and a career change, he still manages to front every Saturday morning.

Not only that, but he’s there before most of us, fulfilling his duties as Assistant Tee Marshall (Howard’s godsend). For without him there would be a full on Irish barney.

Chris has a philosophy that for a Club to function well, every one should play with everybody else. This builds social discourse and "esprit de corps".

As I’ve mentioned, Chris is one of the first to arrive. He also finds time to come back and socialise, which makes him not only a valuable Club member, but a friend.

Notwithstanding, he has improved his golf to the extent he is playing off and consistently to a handicap of 17.

CHRIS

WE SALUTE YOU.

- 3 -

Stableford Denis Smith (41)

from: Robert Priems (38)

Alan Hewett

from Denis Smith - on countback

Stableford Des Nixon (34)

from: Denis Smith (33)

Par Darren Curnow (+7)

from: Andrew Petricola (+2)

Stableford Trevor Jackson (37)

from: Alan Davies (33)

Premiership standings as of 26.4.97

19 points David Ford

16 Denis Smith

11 Steve Cole

Robert Priems

There are a number of people snapping at the heels for minor placings with one third of the year gone, they include:

9 points Neil Argall, Alan Davies, Des Nixon and Andrew Petricola

8 points Fred Howe, Trevor Jackson and Bob McDonald

This year our Autumn Invitational was held at Kingston Links.

It would appear from interest shown that one weekend trip away each year is enough to generate excitement.

We already have a number of people chaffing at the bit to take on Rich River.

What a great day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and God was in her heaven.

- 4 -

We had sixteen starters including four visitors who played for six trophies.

As any one will attest, the course was challenging but favourable to those who hit the fairways - if you didn’t you discovered what links courses are all about, sand and more sand or alternatively water and more water. The only difference being that in sand, regardless of how many strokes it takes, you do get to keep your ball.

Congratulations to Robert Priems for taking out the Club award with Bob McDonald taking the runner up trophy.

The only other award taken out by a Club member was the NTP on the 7th by Andrew Petricola. The visitors award was won by Neville Hosking while Andrew Mathrick (another visitor) won the NTP on the 11th and the longest drive.

After the game we retired to our private function room and enjoyed a great two course meal. Liquor, by the way was at a reasonable price. Uncle Fred was an honorary vegetarian on the night courtesy of one Neil Argall who was remiss in not ensuring beef was on the menu.

Still, judging from all the Jesus jokes told on the night, I’m sure that same Uncle will front up again.

Thanks to all for your support.

If we can build our numbers for our next invitational, we will have money to put over the bar.

Speaking of which, my progeny was the only person to thoroughly read his card which offered a free drink for each round played.

The mighty CAD Award players are doing it again on the Melbourne Cup Weekend.

A number of members have also shown an interest in playing Rich River again this year, so I am giving everybody plenty of warning.

If you are interested, now is the time to check your calendar. If it’s vacant for that weekend, pencil in Rich River and let me know.

At this stage, all I’m seeking are expressions of interest as costings depend a lot on numbers.

Next month I’ll publish an approximate costing and method of payment.

"Always throw your clubs ahead of you, that way you won’t waste energy going back to pick them up".

- Tommy Bolt, the shortest fuse in golf.

Volume 2

Edition 2

4 April, 1997

Congratulations to one of our new boys for taking out the February medal. David Ford had only recently qualified to play with the Club when he blitzed a talented field to ensure a December trophy.

It’s nice to see you’ve left Tom Watson at home.

For those that don’t by now know, David (along with Fred) is a foundation member of this Club who last year took a short break.

All the members are glad you’ve come back. We need you and more importantly your $2.

Speaking of which; there are no bushes big enough to hide behind, no alcoves deep enough to cringe into when taxes have to be paid. Move over Peter Costello, we have someone who’ll show you have it’s done! KEN "THE TAXMAN" GRIST

Your eyes aren’t even open, sleep lines your eyelids, last night’s dinner is still regurgitating when "the taxman" approaches. If your not quick enough, he’ll upend you for a lousy two dollars.

Let’s all applaud the man we hate to see each Saturday, but love to love when we win a golf ball or three.

Somehow during the month I misplaced the winners list. But in the words of a famous man "tell someone who cares". I’m sure that those who won, apart from the new boy, know who they are. However, I can report on the championship. As of 22.2.97 the table is as follows:

10 points D. Ford (the new boy)

6 " R. Clarke (handicapper’s nightmare)

6 " S. Cole ( " " )

5 B. McDonald (curators nightmare)

5 N. Argall (all over nice guy) - hey! come on, I write the letter

- 2 -

In the last newsletter we asked for expressions of interest for a trip to Mansfield. So far the tally has been:

Mansfield Nil response

Rich River Are we still going 1

Does anybody read this (shit!) I write? If not this is the last newsletter.

As a result of the enormous response, the social committee has not proceeded further.

However, Rich River in November will attract at least three takers, who once again will play for the CAD award - plus anyone else who’s interested

At the last meeting, the following issues were raised.

Who were the disbelievers who said "Work wouldn’t commence on the course in February, as told to us by Howard.

What an awesome sight to walk up to the 16th, and see a green half formed and earthmoving machinery cutting up the hated 17th (hated for me, that is, just ask my playing partners)

Volume 2

Edition 3

4 April, 1997

This serves as just a brief addenda to last month’s newsletter which is being issued this month.

To begin with the editor excluded about a half page of diatribe which this journalist included last month (thanks Cheryl) (your welcome Neil)

I also apologise for this late edition, but a certain editor and publisher has had her arse worked off preparing for her own retrenchment, making extra curricular activity extremely difficult.

(only whilst I have the use of a computer!)

The Mansfield trip is no longer on

We are playing KINGSTON LINKS April 27 at 1.00pm

That’s all for now

Talk to you next month.

Volume 2

Edition 1

31 January, 1997

A New Year begins and with it new resolutions, hopes and aspirations. Some say they may even apply all this to work as well. But, before we discuss 1997 let’s recount some of the highlights of 1996.

The early part of the season was fairly uneventful but then came the aptly named Winter Cup. Who can forget the blue butt barbecue and Des’ discourse on St. Andrews and 3 storey buildings. That day was so cold Fred stored more beer than we started with. (By the way, for those who don’t know, the Winter Cup is now a perpetual with replica, aptly named the F.W. Howe Winter Cup).

After the big cold came the big wet. It would appear that the golf god decided a rest was in order, so he in his wisdom enforced one. With a voice that could be heard for miles, he said "Howard, build me an ark!" So, while Howard & co. twiddled their respective thumbs, we got cranky and annoyed our wives. Amazingly, no pregnancies developed over that period. Is this an indictment on the virility of our club? or are our wives simply used to Saturday morning peace. - Comment by wife: YES, YES, YES

Then came the composite course and tee up all round. Suddenly big bertha became an excellent fairway wood (how many are still using it?)

All of this after construction had started on the irrigation system and the redevelopment of the river banks. I for one have white golf socks permanently stained Yarra River grey.

However, for one person whose name shall remain anonymous but whose initials are Chris Priems - these earthworks played an important part in him achieving a nearest the pin on the 8th - ask him, not me.

And then the Calcutta and Vin O’Meara Memorial won by three storey Des.

Tony Mifsud, who when reading his own form guide notes, which stated he was looking for a young filly to share his stables, said "not a young filly, just a willing mare".

Congratulations to:

Steve Cole a worthy Club champion

Trevor Jackson for his match play win

Mark Casey for the Winter Cup

Des Nixon for the Vin O’Meara

Fred and his committee resigned at the 1996 Annual General Meeting. Both Fred and Alan Hewett declined to nominate for 1997 believing new blood was in order.

At the AGM the following office bearers were elected.

President Allan Davies

Secretary Neil Argall

Assistant Secretary Rodger Clarke

Treasurer Ken Grist

Tee Marshall Tony Mifsud

Assistant Tee Marshall Chris Priems

Handicapper Allan Davies

Social Secretary Neil Argall

It was decided that the 1997 format be similar to 1996 and that championship points be awarded as for last year commencing with the first monthly medal.

The year’s calendar will be issued shortly.

Results so far:

28th December Andrew Petricola

4th January (Monthly medal) Neil Argall

11th January Bob McDonald

18th January Rodger Clarke

25th January Steve Cole

Eagles nest to Lee Butcher on the 1st hole on 4th January

It was decided at the last meeting to change the venue for our annual trip away. Instead of Rich River, this year it will be Mansfield in March or April subject to availability of course and accommodation. We have it on first hand recommendation that both the course and the accommodation are excellent.

A steering committee was appointed to investigate the costings and possible date. Please show your interest by talking to Neil, Rodger or Chris.

A lot of our members are not aware that since earthworks began last year, there has been a published local rule.

Stated simply -

‘Treat all earthworks associated with drainage, irrigation or river improvement as G.U.R. lift and drop no nearer the hole without penalty, in accordance with Rule 25-1(b)."

Yes Fred, that means areas of the fairway that have been sanded.

One last thought for this month.

Golf is a game where a sphere of 1.7" diameter is placed upon a sphere of 12,756 kilometres diameter. The object being to hit the small sphere without hitting the big sphere.

Volume 1

Edition 4

26 September, 1996

Okay you know the rules: Line up

Tallest to the right; shortest to the left.

"Helluva lot of gaps between them Sarge"

"Yeh, well only the tough show up at this time of the year"

"It takes guts Sarge"

"Sure does son"

Thanks to the guys with guts (muddy shoes, flippers and other scuba gear) who have shown up for the past few weeks.

Let’s face it guys:-

Howard needs our support as much as we need his.

Come on! If we’re a Club, we’re a Club.

We pull together in good times and in bad times.

It’s not just the golf - it’s the companionship that follows.

When he was elected President, there was some discussion as to whether a ‘lefty’ could hold this Club together.

Not only has Fred been a great President, presiding over extremely democratic meetings, but he has lead by example.

Frederick Howe Esq. has been present every week this year, leading from the front.

If a man over 70 can turn up every week and battle the elements there are a lot more of us who can do the same.

It was decided at this month’s meeting that the September Monthly Medal, along with the August medal would be abandoned. The Match Play semi finals would also be deferred.

(Alan Davies suggested they be deferred indefinitely, or until Rodger Clarke was on 15).

However, sanity prevailed and it was decided the semi would be played when Rodger was playing off 12 or the course was playable, whichever came first.

Speaking of results:-

Following are the month’s winners and the current championship ratings:

Saturday 17th A. Hewett

Saturday 24th R. Clarke

Saturday 31st T. Mifsud

Saturday 7th R. Clarke

Saturday 14th R. Clarke

Saturday 21st R. Clarke

PTO.

- 2 -

Steve Cole 37 points

Allan Davies 24 points

Alan Hewett 22 points

Neil Argall

Rodger Clarke

Tony Mifsud

Don’t worry fellas, tee up all round will soon end, and then all the good golfers can catch up to Steve whose just having a purple patch. Speaking of Steve, he finally caught up with the handicapper on the 7th September, when he put the double whammy on A.D. and produced an air shot. It doesn’t alter his handicap but I’ll bet the afterglow was felt deep in his groin. But I guess in the long run the handicapper had the last laugh.

Along with myself, Allan has joined another social drinking (golf) club and recently we played on an extremely dry course at Laverton Air Base. Adequately supplied with egg, bacon, hamburgers and grog, we tackled this Sahara of courses with what we would both express as very ordinary results (when the greens are like concrete - well you know the feeling). But - the big but, Neil won B grade and Alan had best nine in. Good excuse for a few more tinnies.

Anyone who wants a social game of golf on a Sunday, six times a year talk to Allan or Neil.

Time now to mention the works on the course - WHAT WORKS?

Well, I know for a fact that a certain person offered to help hand mow the tenth fairway. This same person not only rooted an extremely expensive mower, but when I observed him, looked like he had gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. I won’t mention his name but his initials start with HOWARD McHUTCHINSON. Howard has been advised not to apply for a VIP gardening franchise. Apparently all hand mowers are right handed.

Anyone who needs a bit of help in the garden or around the house call Michael McDonald on 94355584. His work is excellent and his rates are good.

Just a closing note:

Although numbers have been down since I have been treasurer from May this year, the Club has given away over 130 golf balls, proving the money goes back to the members. (It has been suggested we buy the balls, give them to Roger and let him distribute minor placings).

It seems like forever since our last game of golf, and even longer since our last Newsletter.

Last week our Club - all nine of us - were the first to play Howard’s new composite course, and although they have problems draining some of the fairways, cutting the grass etc, P.J. and his team have done a fantastic job with the greens.

Due to the course closure and the small roll up last week an official meeting was not held.

However, through discussion, the following decisions were agreed to:

• The August monthly medal has been cancelled.
• The Match Play semi finals will be played by agreement, once the course has fully recovered.

As suggested in last month’s newsletter, a group of us took our golf widows out to dinner at the Club. After disrupting Rob’s well laid out Bistro (that’s right), Rob Harris among his other activities is chief cook and bottle wash, with the demise of John and Tosca, we sat down to a fine meal and great company. Our ladies are a great bunch of people who week after week sit silently at home while we pursue our ritual of the little white ball. But on these occasions they take over and hog all conversation. This means if we want to be included, we must do this more often.

By the way, Rob is offering Devonshire Teas on Sunday afternoons. Cheryl and I visited the Club one afternoon, we can guarantee the scones are baked while you wait and were delicious.

Saturday 6th Monthly Medal T. Mifsud

Saturday 13th Stableford A. Davies

Saturday 20th Par D. Nixon

Saturday 27th Stableford N. Argall

Steve Cole 29 points

Allan Davies 23 "

Neil Argall 18 "

Alan Hewett 17 ‘

Thanks to Alan Hewett for bringing a copy of the Medway G.C. newsletter. He suggested I might get some ideas from it which would inspire and in turn, overcome writers block.

Well, I have plagiarised his newsletter, which in turn, was plagiarised from, ‘The Picador Book of Golf’, this is me talking! If we are not confused enough already about the finer points of this totally frustrating game COP THIS

................PTO

- 2 -

From Alan’s newsletter:

• ‘Be sure to open the club face at address. The taller or thicker the rough the more open’

- Jack Nicklaus

• ‘My experience is that, heavy grass tends to ‘grab’ the toe of the club head and knock it back into an open position before impact. To compensate for this, I close the face at address very slightly. - Severiano Ballesteros

If the world’s top pros can’t agree what chance have we got?

Maybe Sir Winston Churchill had the right attitude to the game:

‘Golf is a pleasant walk interrupted by a little white ball’.

Volume 1

It has been suggested, discussed, talked about and now finally it’s here-

The object of these newsletters is to keep each member of the Club aware of decisions made at monthly meetings along with any news that may be relevant.

For those who may not be aware, each member of the Club has voting rights. Decisions are not decided by the Committee but by each member who attends these meetings.

Last Saturday the Committee regrettably accepted Dave Ford’s resignation as Treasurer and committeeman. Alan Hewett has sent a letter to David thanking him for his past services, hoping he will return to play.

An election was held for the vacant position and Neil Argall was voted Treasurer.

It was decided the Club could not afford to pay cash in lieu of balls, considering the excellent deal arranged with Tim in the Pro Shop.

Also, in order to spread the distribution of balls, it was decided to award balls on the following basis:

On non-trophy days - 3 balls to the winner

- 2 balls for second, and

- 1 ball each to following qualifying players.

On trophy days - trophy and 1 ball to the winner

- all else remaining the same

Today is the first day of the Winter Cup. This event is a Stableford match played over two consecutive Saturdays with cumulative scores.

Next Saturday there will be a barbecue following the game, when the winners will be announced. It would be great if all could attend.

As you would have noticed, work has commenced on the new course.

I mention this because Howard and his staff are endeavouring to keep inconvenience to a minimum and so far has succeeded admirably.

PTO

- 2 -

If anyone has any matter they would like included in the next newsletter, please see Neil prior to the next medal day.

Who has been seen lurking around the indoor teaching area after the match putting in a little extra curricular time? Could it be our ‘Grand’ Pooh Bah?

I would like to open by saying its been pleasant playing golf since the last newsletter. That’s how I would like to open! But in the last four weeks we have played in ice, fog, slush and more slush, anything but pleasant.

However, the camaraderie and goodwill within the group has overcome all obstacles and the stalwarts have fronted week after week. THAT’S WHAT A CLUB IS ALL ABOUT.

The main topic to arise from last week’s meeting was related to our match play tournament:

This related to the fact that both Ken Grist and Trevor Jackson missed the quarter finals due to work commitments. A vote was taken to allow one of them to participate in the semi’s. This will be determined firstly by who attends on the day or by toss of a coin if both are present.

It was decided by those present, by a show of hands, that next year’s match play will not be so generous. Failure to appear will result in a walkover. So keep your eyes on next year’s calendar and circle the dates.

THE WINTER CUP this year lived up to its name. The second round was played in freezing temperature (literally), as at tee off time the weather was recorded at 0° .

Mark Casey who years ago proposed this tournament was this year’s winner and can look forward to a tiny trophy.

Bob McDonald was once again the Club’s benefactor and donated prizes to the winners of each round. Bob’s generosity is second only to his putting skills (if only the bloody hole would stand still).

At the barbecue that followed the second round, Mark raised an important point, although those that were present had a good time, to cite Mark; "It’s a shame that more members weren’t present".

It’s a fact that our numbers are dwindling and if our Club is to survive we need to have a membership drive.

Speaking of which, without our newer members we would be in dire straits. Hello and welcome to:

Goodbye and good luck to John Davies who travels north to complete his journeys.

- 2 -

A special thanks to Howard and John for their hospitality and goodwill without which the event could not have taken place.

It’s nice to see Des back from his overseas jaunt, but when asked to deliver a talk on his trip all we could get was St. Andrews and five storey buildings.

Almost forgot to mention the winners of the Par Competition - Roger and Steve were equal winners, but who could tell what they were getting up to on the course in that pea souper.

Congratulations also Tony Mifsud the July Medal winner. Thought he had missed out due to some shit stirring from a certain A. Davies and yours truly.

I tried to arrange alternative dates to seek a preferred option but the course is fully booked through both September and October and every other weekend in November. As it is we are limited to seven tee times, so make your bookings early. I will provide further details in the near future.

A group of us have decided to take our golf widows out for dinner on Saturday 27th July. It will be here at the Club where the food is excellent and the service second to none. We would like to see as many couples as possible to enjoy the hospitality and club friendship. Please talk to Neil or Fred.

I have attached an article that you may find of interest.

9 July, 1996