Volume 3

Edition 8

July 2001



Below is the calendar for the month of July.


Today is monthly medal

14 July - Par

21 July - Stableford

28 July - Stableford

This is all based on the assumption that Allan’s computer and the rest of the calendar are enjoying compatible harmonies.

Annual Fees

The $10 annual fee is now due and payable to the Treasurer.

And now for the Crap

It would appear that one Frederick Howe Esq. is unhappy with the handicap system as it exists from the Royal & Ancient to Royal Ivanhoe. He is still extolling the virtues of weight for age. This from the man who won last month’s medal!

Long live the noble handicap system.

The Puppy’s Back

And apparently playing like shit. Will somebody tell him that a skin full of VB and golf never have been good bed partners. One can only shudder at the thought of what might happen at Bendigo.

Dodgy & Son

Son of Rodger, Stuart, has joined the Club (finally) and submitted the requisite three cards. However, his performances during these preliminary rounds were less than flattering, far below the standard we have become accustomed to seeing. The end result was a starting handicap of 21. If he has a change of career and enters the used car business, my advice is, give him a wide berth or did Allan’s computer stuff up again?

Winter Cup

Congratulations to Ben Smith for two extremely consistent rounds to take out the Winter Cup. For the newer members of the Club, this trophy was struck to honour one of the founding members of the Club. He has served this Club admirably as secretary, the president until he decided it was time for a new regime. He is one of only two surviving members with the Club, the other being David Ford, who’s trophy we play for in Autumn. His temperament is so dour and sourly that it was decided his trophy should be played each side of the Winter solstice. Would the right honourable Frederick Howe Esq. please stand up and take a bow.

Page 2.


Speaking of the Winter Cup, I was talking to an old drinking mate, Paddy the other day when I recounted something that happened in the second round. To quote Paddy "well oil beef hooked". We were recounting how mean the Scots are. I told him about this Scot playing with us by the name of Primrose who had just hit a course record of 63. Paddy replied "he wanted to use the ball for two rounds".

Injury List

David Ford – recovering from heart surgery

Bob McDonald – crushed vertebrae in the upper spine

And wouldn’t you know it – the walking accident, Andrew Petricola – broken arm


Rodger and Allan checked out Bendigo Golf Club and gave it 4/10. Greens slick and true. Bunkers beautifully sanded. Fairways and surrounds – crap. It’s nice to putt on good greens, but at least give us an avenue to them. This year we are playing Neangar Park and Eaglehawk.

Meet Friday at the Botanica Hotel (ask the puppy or Chris)

Staying at the Tea House Motel

Saturday – dinner at the Board Walk (ask the puppy or Chris)

If your interested let Rodger know.

God only knows how hard it is to organise these weekends.


Indicate your intentions

You won’t be tarred and feathered if you change your mind, but the man needs an indication of numbers to secure his bookings.

Until next time






Volume 4

Edition 8

August 2001



Once again it is your honour to be reading this.


The Secretariat and the Presidential Palace have been suffering from broken lines of communication, so the calendar I offer below is from the original and somewhat flawed document.

Today is monthly medal

11 August - Matchplay Semifinals - Stableford

for all the plebs (no championship points)

18 August - Par

25 August - Stableford

Note: Only financial members are eligible to participate in the monthly medal.

May you all come second.

T.J. & Stones

The T.J. I refer to here is not the great horse trainer, neither are the stones the rock and roll kind. Nay, in this epistle I am referring to our own Trevor Jackson and gallstones.

Trevor was rushed to hospital two weeks ago after he collapsed. He was subsequently operated on for gallstones. In all he spent a week in hospital and will be out of action for the next four weeks. Which leads me into the next article.

During his last round at Ivanhoe, Trevor declared his clubs for sale – once again. But this begs the question – who is in the market for a set of lefties with more frequent flyer points than your average politician?

To quote the central umpire

"Club abuse Mr. McEnroe".



On pain of death, I report that one Neil Argall was observed having his game tweaked ever so minutely by Chris Moore on Saturday 21st July 2001. The observer, one Allan Davies mentioned that if it was anyone else being caught out, it would make the newsletter. WELL ALLAN IT HAS. May I also say that Chris’ bum is no longer reamed, and I took $4.60 from A. Davies. Thanks Chris – see you next week for further tweaking.


Page 2.


Pepsi Cola, Flavour of the Month

Andrew Petricola, the walking accident, is back and with a vengeance. After yet another injury and a four month lay off he came back and blitzed the field playing off his old handicap. Maybe, as suggested, those who come back after a lay off should have a further 2 stroke deduction to their handicap. In Andrew’s case it wouldn’t have mattered. Welcome back Andrew. We think?

A Blight on the Game

Except this blight is another Andrew. He rocks up for his first game with the Club and hits the jackpot. He took out the money hole, $35 and is possibly thinking "How good is this, I hope the bunnies all line up again next week!"

By the way, now with Petricola, Tome and Blight we have the golfing equivalent of the three tenors. The Three Andrews

Chris, put them in the same group one week. I can’t wait to here the chorus of "thanks" when someone calls "Great Shot Andrew".

Sleeping Champion

There has been some movement on the Championship board over the last couple of weeks. But it hasn’t been at the top. The Tee Marshall has found a way to nobble David. He keeps on putting him in my group. This assures that Mr Primrose plays like shit. Shame Chris Shame

Ball Run

There was some confusion the other week about ball allocation.

From the Minutes of the May meeting -

"That the Club conduct a weekly ball run to a maximum of 10 balls, to be structured as follows.

Go Bendigo Go

By now Rodger has done the research and costings. I’m sure that the weekend is within all our budgets. It’s a great opportunity to get away with friends and let our hair down. Our partners also enjoy a good time with plenty to see and do. Don’t miss it. It will come back to bite you.


Just remember the next time the missus complains about you being at golf every Saturday, do as I do. When the alarm goes off at 6.30am I roll over and tap her on the shoulder and whisper "intercourse or golf course?" standard reply "don’t forget your jumper".

Until next time