Volume 4

Edition 3

10 April, 1999

Democracy Rules

Democracy is alive and well and living in the bowels of Ivanhoe Golf Club. Remember last month I advised that the Club had voted to introduce annual dues in return for a club shirt? Well this month, I have to advise that at the last meeting that vote was overturned.

Watch this space

Finally, the game away

Chirnside Park Country Club has been booked for May 16th.

First tee time 10.30am

Cost $30.00 per head

This includes green fees, trophies and give aways. The Club is fully licensed and the Bistro is open to all players. There is also a gaming room for the pokie enthusiasts.

Deposit of $10 per head required next week. The balance two weeks later.

We have booked 5 tee times (20 players), so make your intentions known quickly.

Whatís Coming Up

Today is the first week of the David Ford Autumn Cup.

For those who donít know this is a two week par event (sorry Fred).

Obviously 17.4.99 is the second week

24.4.99 Stableford

1.5.99 Stroke Ė monthly medial

and monthly meeting for those who want to attend. Itís your Club. Make your voice heard.

In case youíre wondering about the 16th May for our away game:

Firstly, we needed time to notify members.

Secondly, some earlier dates were available Ė to wit Ė Anzac Day and Mothersí Day

I decided discretion was required when booking.

From the Minutes

Chris Priems and Darren Curnow combined to make a great suggestion.

Basically, it comes down to this. As we are a social club letís organise a night out with our wives and partners or a family day including our kids.

We are open to options, so give us your thoughts. For example "Puffing Billy". Iíve thrown my hat in the ring Ė now itís up to you.

To sign off for this month.

Congrats to Mick Mac for his first ever championship points.




Volume 4

Edition 2

15 March, 1999

Unless some of our resident clowns behave in a manner more fitting their status, there will be nothing to write about.

For example: #1. Sick Little Puppy Ė Nothing

#2. Priemsy Ė Nothing

#3. Gerry Barber Ė Nothing (Although his only contribution

was wearing that jumper)

Letís get some gossip on the golf course, but please, pretty please, letís not do a Zig to get attention!

There is one incident I have to report on for this month. It involves Clowns #4 and #5 whose names will remain anonymous, but whose initials start with Neil Argall and Allan Davies (Cheryl, thatís Allan with 2Lís Ė so okay). Do you remember a Saturday approximately 3 weeks ago when it poured rain, temperature 30c+ and humidity 100%. Well I do. Allan (two Lís Cheryl Ė okay okay) was complaining of being unable to see, as his glasses kept fogging up. I couldnít understand as mine were crystal clear; however, I agreed with him to abandon after the 7th hole. This lead to further problems: As I was Mick McDonaldís chauffeur it meant that he was forced to abandon his game after the 9th or forfeit a lift. At that time, Mick resplendent in his wet weather gear of shorts and tee shirt, was already 3 under the card and reluctant to walk off. He did so out of consideration to A.D. (whereís the Lís now) and myself who felt much better fortified by hot coffees in dry conditions. The above includes at least 3 errors of truth. Itís for you to find out and me to know. (He spins a good story!)

For the Current Shit

Matchplay qualification was played two weeks ago. In alphabetical order the qualifiers are:

Neil Argall Rodger Clarke Stuart Clarke Steve Cole

Richard Condon Joe Cyzenski Allan Davies (2Lís) Keith Delzoppo

David Ford Ken Grist Fred Howe Bob McDonald

Tony Mifsud Chris Priems Robert Priems David Primrose

To those who missed out STIFF

We really donít mean that - YES WE DO

That was the news

Now for not the news

OR From the minutes

We are organising a game at Curlewis, thanks to Des Nixon, for a Sunday in April. We need to know quickly how many are interested for a Sunday Comp. away from home. Apparently bar and club facilities will be open to us on the day.

Louie the lip (alias F.H.) suggested I incorporate in each monthís newsletter the program for coming month. Here it is:

20.3.99 First 8 Matchplay

27.3.99 Par

3.4.99 Monthly Medal - stroke

By the way, thanks to A.D. (not him again - LL) for printing and distributing a yearly calendar. If mine went the way of most, I couldnít have recorded the above.

It was also suggested, that as we are a social golf club, the word "social" should have more relevance than it does at the moment. Why not come back and talk to your playing mates and other members of the Club. Believe me, they donít bite.

Itís also been noted that members are not notifying Howard regarding their status for the coming week. Please observe common courtesy, for your sake, the Clubs, and Howard. If youíve nominated to play next week and canít play, phone the course and advise. If you werenít there last week and want to add your name to the list DITTO. Similarly, if youíre bringing a guest to quote Shelly Berman "Do unto others before they do it to you".

It was also passed at the last meeting that the Club would introduce annual dues of $25.00 Ė Dues payable in July. In return each member would receive a golf shirt with the Clubís logo. The Executive has since voted to exclude Life Members from paying annual dues.

On this note I hope:

That the fun you had in infancy

Will continue into adultery

Until next month









Volume 4

Edition 1

30 January, 1999

Itís time to wind up another year with friends and reflect on the year past.

Letís first of all applaud the big achievers.

Our Club Champion came from two points behind in the final round to prove his undoubtable worth.

Congrats to Steve Cole Ė a worthy Club Champion.

The Winter Cup was won by some pommy that this scribe maliciously maligned in his calcutta form guide: He can take out a two week event.

The winner of the F.W. Howe Winter Cup : - Alan Davies; Alan take a bow

And now for the Vin OíMeara Memorial:

They say it pays to hedge your bets, but when you hedge your handicap, thatís another thing.

Apparently thatís what our Grand National winner did this year.

As it turned out his win was so convincing that the fact he played off the wrong handicap had no bearing on the result.

One cannot help but ponder, if the final result was affected by handicap, would we have gotten the Cup back? Or more importantly, the $500.

To the winners of all the majors for 1998, we extend our congratulations.

The same goes for the winner of the monthly medals, along with the runners up in the majors.

The Match Play Chapionship was taken out by Ken Grist, a consistent and reliable golfer who proved his mettle in a tough final. A big round of applause for a job well done.

Page 2.



Itís time now to consider the New Year. A big HELLO to 1999.

Hello and welcome to a whole batch of new players: In alphabetical order:-

Bob Johnston, Tony Kayakos, Damian Lee, Adrian Miles, Ben Morrison, Gunnar Noetzig and David Primrose (sorry if the spelling is wrong, I canít read Neilís writing).

Also a renewed hello to those who had fallen from grace and finally saw the light:

Michael McDonald and John Worth

In alphabetical order:-

May your sins be forgiven

We trust that the new and reformed players have a long, profitable and enjoyable time with our Club.

Coincidentally, David Primrose on his first visit to our course, had a 62 off the stick. Iím sworn to secrecy not to mention other opening scores.

Finally, for this newsletter, two items of importance.

The dreaded yellow ball on Par days has been abandoned Ė not so the dreaded par.

Secondly, all trophies will be larger this year. If you donít know why, youíve been overseas or your dead (or a new member).

Until next month.





Volume 3

Edition 2

13 March, 1998




Further to last monthís Newsletter the trip has been costed as follows:

Golfers $200.00

Non golfers $130.00

A modest rise on last year.

For those who havenít been before the costs are inclusive and cover:

Two nights accommodation in a four star motel

Two three course dinners

Two full cooked breakfasts

Two rounds of golf

Trophies and giveaways

And a barbecue lunch on the Sunday.

So far the following have nominated:

With partners:

Neil Argall, Allan Davies, Rodger Clarke, Fred Howe, Chris Priems, Robert Priems and Keith Del Zoppo

Without partners:

Trevor Jackson, Gerry Barber

P.S. Ė The single supplement remains at $25.00/night.

As five tee times are tentatively booked (20 players), others interested should stake a claim now, so that we can extend our ten room booking. No use bitching later.

You can invite guests at the above rate.


Following last yearís successful excursion to Kingston Links, it was decided unanimously at last weekís meeting that the social secretary arrange a game in early May at a time that didnít require buggy headlights.

Your brave and intrepid scribe has done just that, and booked five tee times (pencil this in your diary), for May 10th at 11.00am Ė better than an orgasm.

This will be followed by a two course dinner in a private room at 6.00pm, allowing time for pre-dinner drinks. (Yes Fred, beef is on the menu).

Page 2.

Day Trip (Continued)

However, despite low inflation, costs have risen and the day will cost $60.00 per head. This does include trophies and giveaways.

Visitors are welcome but members come first.

I already have one confirmed visitor; last yearís winner, keen to defend the title.

Once again, numbers have to be confirmed early as a deposit is required within seven days of making the booking.

Iím asking for $10.00 per head non-refundable at the time of confirming.


Once again, a father and son team combined to quinella the medal day.

This time though it was the McDonalds who pulled off the feat. And No. Michael didnít do a Coulthard and slow down two laps from the finish. By the way, a Priems (Chris) dead heated for second place.


  1. We are a financial success. Ken reported that we are $3.00 up on the same time last year. Look forward to a gourmet piss up at Chrissy.
  2. Forget about improving your eclectic. This year the trophy has been dropped until we have a golf course.
  3. Match play index will be altered to reflect the current layout. Allan will provide altered sheets prior to each round Ė make your own adjustments.
  4. To qualify for monthly medal trophy a player must play one other round in the prior month.

If you want to have a say, attend the monthly meeting. I donít mind writers cramp if it helps our Club grow.


To quote Howard

"Hit them long and not very often"

Until next month.