Monthly Archives: October 2015

Where was everybody?  The sun was shining, the birds were singing and all was well with the world.  But, a mere fifteen of our members managed to make it to the course to sample the delights of a well manicured Ivanhoe that responded well to the efforts of those that made the effort.  The field was actually sixteen as ChrisV brought along his mate Stephen Kelly who is in the process of moving back to Melbourne from the bush and he seems to have been sufficiently impressed to have signed up to join our merry band.  So, a big welcome to Stephen and we look forward to seeing you on the tee again soon.

After the shock of seeing the C grade winner in the inside comp last week coming in with no less than 56 stableford points who’d have thought that one of our own put in a good effort at matching that result today.  Well, not quite, but Blighty kept the field in suspenders until he came in with the last group (well behind the penultimate group it might be noted) and casually asked what the best score was before going ‘snap’ and slapping down a card bearing the digits four and three and in that order as well.  A seven stroke break and the winners penalty have done wonders for his handicap.

The subject of Andrew’s ‘snap’ call was Harry, who possibly might have had a claim to be in some sort of form after five days of golf down the Mornington Peninsula though the courses down there do offer a rather different set of challenges from those at Ivanhoe.  For the longer handicappers, the scoring of a par on the first is seen to not augur well for the rest of the round.  To score a birdie must surely foretell absolute disaster.  But, despite the ill omen of snaring a birdie on the 1st, a very satisfying total of 39 points was the outcome at the end of the round.  The birdie count for the field was 11 all up which is not too bad for the smaller field and there were a few improvements to eclectic tallies.  There are a couple of members that are within a birdie or two distance of the leader but time is running short as the end of the year looms.

Bill did issue a warning when he returned from injury that he was feeling good and meant business.  After the front nine, that seemed to be almost beyond doubt but it was noticed that there were signs of leakage of Valvoline and a smoky exhaust on the back nine, or, as some unkindly put it, he pulled on the handbrake.  Whatever the reason, his 22 points on the front veritably slumped to a 15 on the back to take third spot with 37 overall.

Keeping up the theme of Seniors dominating the podium, Gordon came in with 36 to protect his handicap but to miss out on valuable Seniors points which is what needs to happen for him to be rolled in this event.  Then, eventually, one of the youngsters got a look in and Noodles captured the last point with his 34.  It has been quite a while since the podium has been occupied by only five players.

Despite the number of birdies reported, the accuracy off the tee was not that great when it counted and neither the Nearest the Pin for a ball or the ProPin got to be graced by a name. Rumour has it that ChrisV was actually on the 18th green but didn’t realise that it was the NTP and failed to claim the goody on offer.  So the ProPin will be a Jackpot to next week.  That should liven up a bit of interest before the November Monthly Medal the week after next.

Simon collected his new artillery from the ProShop this morning and proceeded to the first tee, post haste, to try the driver out.  A very fine job it did and continued to do so for most of the round.  Any aberrations could only be put down to the nut on the end of the shaft.  When Chrispy handed in his card he was asked how it went to which he replied that at least he had enjoyed the company.  The Beast claimed that his lesser performance on the back nine was down to the group in front stepping all over his line and causing his putts to miss going into the hole.  However, that didn’t seem to be affecting Chrispy who claimed to have sunk the greatest putt of his life on the 14th, a long curling one for his birdie.  Given where the hole was placed, anything less than a three putt was pretty good, so a singleton was something special.

Bob played well from tee to green but couldn’t buy a putt for love nor money.  Maybe it was down to nerves at the prospect of incoming missiles courtesy of Stefan who managed to run one between Chrispy’s legs from about 300m out.  Mehmet used the excuse that he was carrying an injury with his right knee supported by an elastic bandage.  He reckons he has done a deal for two titanium knees and another body part (that can’t be specified here) in the same material as a job lot.

Gordon’s good form over the last few weeks has continued and he is torn as to whether to put it down the the benefits of the gouty foot or to the fact that Lisa is away and he is batching.  He also espouses the health benefits of liquorice but Stephen was apparently going really well until Gordo handed out the medicinal herbs so he is less convinced of the claimed healthful effects.

The Birthday Birdie notes that Chrispy has a celebration coming up, tomorrow, no less, and Carolyn is taking him somewhere for a ‘special’ occasion.  Enjoy your day, Chris.

Only another month of competition for this Club year with the last points for the December Monthly Medal on 28th November.  This will also feature the Calcutta auction for the Vin O’Meara.  Then straight into the Vin O’Meara with a clean slate in all competitions in the lead up the the Champion of Champions and the break-up on 19 December.  Make sure to mark them all on your calendar so not to miss out on the fun and games.

Results for Saturday, 24 October 2015
1st Andrew Blight(43) 2nd Harry Boughen(39) 3rd Bill Eastoe(37) 4th Gordon Hill(36) 5th Stephen Butterfield(34)

Seniors Results: 1st Andrew Blight (43) 2nd Harry Boughen (39) 3rd Bill Eastoe (37)

With nine players within four points, this was a competition with plenty of potential for one of the back runners to come through the field with their second wind on the second round.  And there was plenty of potential for the leaders to falter having used up their puff and fall back through the field.  The conditions were pretty much ideal for the field of seventeen or so of our members who managed to drag themselves out of bed in time though there was apparently one sleepy type who kept his lift waiting for some time and then had to get dearly beloved out of the feathers to give him a lift to the course.  No names, but what can you expect from an exiled Kiwi.  The weather was cool and cloudy and there was still a bit of dew on the greens that made them a bit variable as the round progressed and when you are playing with a pink ball it can be a bit hard to see against the grey clouds.

But, that little handicap didn’t stop Chrispy (now known as the Real Priems) from galloping away to a good start and by the turn he seemed to be showing the field a clean pair of heels.  On the 11th, the line of his power fade brought the ball into the depths of the big pine tree and so the search was concentrated in the tree line and down the 2nd fairway but, wouldn’t you know it, the ball finished way down the 11th in a prime position for an approach shot to the green.  Typical Priemsy.  Then, as he put it, he started to leak a bit of oil and it wasn’t clear whether he needed sawdust or banana peels in the diff but, whatever the remedy, the leakage was staunched a little and the damage was only a -1 on the back nine for a result for the day of +4 to make a winning total of +6 to take out the trophy.  And it is one that he hasn’t hoisted so far in his career and he was pretty pleased to be able to do so at the presentations.

The next place-getter also managed to keep his head down though there were a couple of occasions when it looked as if he could easily bolt from the course.  He obviously came to the course today with the intention of taking the trophy as he had tattooed (only with texta) on the back of his hand words like ‘look’, ‘align’, ‘concentrate’.  Whatever, it seems to have worked and if not for a couple of aberrations, the total of +4 for the event could easily have been +6 or even better.  Well done Trevor maybe you should make that tattoo permanent.

Gordon got very touchy during the presentations when it appeared that his card must have been missed out of the calculations and after much checking of cards and to-ing and fro-ing it turned out to be still in his hip pocket.  Not surprising that he was agitated as he turned in with a pretty nice +3 today and overall to snaffle the third placing for the event.  On the way to that score he managed to slot three birdies out of a total of ten for the day so not a bad percentage for one bloke.  On the 10th, his putt for par had to all intents and purposes missed the hole with Gordon having a good whinge when it hit something on the green surface (pitchmark or gum-nut) and did a sharp right hander and fell into the hole.  As they say, it’s not how, just how many.

Fourth place on a square card on both days went to none other than Sleepy himself.  Then followed a swag of one point getters on -1 and the list included Taner, Noodles, the Beast, Mehmet and Blighty.  The beast managed a birdie on the second which might not seem all that surprising except that his third shot was from a position in which he could barely see the green let alone the pin but he popped it up, ran it over the mound by the green and down the hill into the hole.  Blighty started out at a blistering place and was four up after five holes but then , depending on your point of view, either faltered and only managed to finish +3 or, alternatively held it together well to only drop one point for the rest of the round.  Taner was noticed taking in the sights of a fair bit of the course but, despite the zig-zag path followed, still finished well enough.  Mehmet still doesn’t have a win.  But he is getting the shirts (and no, there isn’t an extra ‘r’ in there).

So, after the last of the double pointers for the competition year, there has been a bit of movement at the station and there are a few people who could catch Ryan provided that they strike while the iron is hot and especially while Ryan is away on leave.  Gordon still has a bit of a break in the seniors but there are a couple of contenders just a couple of wins behind (provided of course that Gordon is out of the points).  For those of you who don’t read your e-mails, the Eclectic is only updated on the second week of a major (just like the handicaps) and in that event, Pepsi still has a hold on it but the gap has narrowed slightly now that Noodles’ birdie on the 7th from last week has been accounted for.

The Nearest the Pin for a ball was on the 7th and there were a couple of names on the card and the most recent of those was Gordon.  The ProPin was on the 18th and there was only one name on that card and that name was Gordon.  So, all round, Gordon had a good day.

Simon was only just outside the points ranking and he is going to be lining up with some new artillery in the near future and he has great expectations that this will mark a turn around in his fortunes.  Speaking of clubs, Chrispy is using a putter that Pepsi sold to Snags and which Snags used to attack his bag or somesuch.  Chrispy reckons that the ding in the face of the putter makes him concentrate on hitting the ball flush.  He also talks wishfully of new clubs but Carolyn was off on a shopping crawl somewhere today so maybe the new clubs will be a bit further in the future.

The bar-be-que was well catered by Gordo with a good selection of meats, salads and dressings.  The chefing by SOS, Ed and Rob was done to perfection and everybody hoed in but, even so, there were still a few snags left at the end of the day.  Pepsi was there with Alexander but there was no sign of happy snaps of the new addition to the Petricola household.  Maybe next time.

The Birthday Birdie has whispered that Dick and David will be celebrating this week so all pubs be warned.

Results for Saturday, 17 October 2015
1st Chris Priems(+2, +4, +6) 2nd Trevor Jackson(+3, +1, +4) 3rd Gordon Hill(□, +3, +3) 4th Brendon Mitchell(□, □, □) 5th Taner Kemal(+1, -2, -1) 5th Mehmet Akdag(-3, +2, -1) 5th Bill Eastoe(-2, +1, -1) 5th Stephen Butterfield(-1, □, -1) 5th Andrew Blight(-4, +3, -1)

Seniors Results: 1st Trevor Jackson (+4) 2nd Gordon Hill (+3) 3rd Andrew Blight (-1)3rd Bill Eastoe (-1) 3rd Taner Kemal (-1)

No names, no pack-drill but Chrispy was gloating a bit this morning about the possibility of easy points from a small field.  That was until the late rush started and the field of members cranked up to seventeen.  The addition of a couple of ex-members in the persons of Derek McDonald and Jason Gratton brought the total field to nineteen.  The event has some significance for Derek as Fred was his father-in-law and Derek actually won the event some years back after which he chucked his clubs back in the bag and retired from the Club.  Rumour has it that the lads could be planning a comeback if some real estate deals can be done.  Always welcome whatever the circumstances.

Normally we would have expected the field to be filled but a couple of family matters, in particular the arrival last Monday of Madeleine Sophia Petricola, kept a couple away and the finish of the football season means that the summer game has conspired to draw a few others away from the course.  Not our Noodles of course who apparently signed up for the season and then pulled the plug.  Whether the team can get by without him remains to be seen and he has been known to make a comeback before.

Conditions were verging on the magical today if a little warm and humid.  So much so that the weather gods made a desultory effort at sending down some rain.  Umbrellas and jackets were unfurled but it lasted less than half a hole so hardly worth the effort and surely not enough to keep Blighty out of the garden to be faced with the alternative of house-work.  Maybe it was the heavy air but there were not a lot of birdies reported today with the total coming in at nine.  Bill reckons this shot should have been a birdie if the ball marker hadn’t got in the way but, to have had enough legs to get to the hole, surely it wouldn’t have come to rest where it did. The ball marker did get moved closer to the hole in a later group and Brendon was the grateful recipient of the ball for the Nearest the Pin.  The ProPin was on the 18th and 4.5m was close enough to put the hand up for the dosh and the hand that went up was none other than that of Noodles.  Never backward in coming forward when it comes to money (or the other thing).

Despite the lack of birdies, there were a couple of Eagle chances today but the big bird breathed a sigh of relief not to have the nest raided again so soon.  On the 17th, the Beast had a great chance of emulating Brendon’s performance of a couple of weeks ago by leaving his drive about 1.5m short of the hole.  The putt was long enough but just that bit off line.  The other chance was with Ryan on the 14th but not only did he miss the eagle putt but he ended up not scoring on the hole at all – that makes at least 4 putts.

So then, who are the contenders in this the last double header of the competition year.  Trevor had his fair share of ‘oh my gosh’ and ‘oh my gollies’ but still managed to make good use of his double points to keep on the right side of square to come in with a +3.  Harry joined him him there after having gotten carried away by Blighty’s excitement and forgot about the fact that his handicap was actually 18 and that he only got one stroke on the 13th.  So, whilst it might not have been five plusses in a row on our card, it was on the inside card and almost, but not quite a PB for the back nine.  Breathing down their necks and still hoping for the easy points is Chrispy (the fake Priems according to Mehm) just a single point behind on +2.  Would be good to be a fly on the wall with that group next week.

Next train out of the station was a group of Seniors (making five of the first six from those ranks) with Keith and Taner on +1 and Gordon with a square card.  Brendon also had a square card and he will join this group.  Gordon is still in the soft shoes and keeping his weight on the good foot and this group are not without their chances of finishing at the front of the pack.

Noodles and Simon on -1 will be joined by Mal and the Beast with their -2.  The front two groups, to be filled by extras who didn’t play today will consist of Mehmet, AndrewB and Ryan and Zimmer, Robert and CraigC.  The full listing of scores appears on the Major Event Leaderboard menu.

Trevor was looking for a hammer or jack-hammer a couple of times today when the subsoil on some of the tees was something like the consistency of concrete.  Mal was sporting a nasty looking bruise on his forehead that resulted a couple of days ago when he walked smartly out of a door in a building and turned immediately right and smacked into the glass wall of the lobby that he had entered.  The glass was not damaged by the encounter though Mal’s pride undoubtedly was.

Blighty reckons that his tee shot on the 11th must have hit a rubber tree when it came so far back up the 2nd that he thought he was in danger of not making it past the ladies.  To rub salt into the wound, the group coming down the 2nd asked him about five times whether he was sure it was his ball or not.  Rob, presumably the non-fake Priems, likened his game today to be akin to a run of ducks by one of the Chappells – he was hitting the ball well but he wasn’t scoring.  The Beast is known the generate a fair amount of club head speed with his down-swing, so much so that Chrispy is concerned that one day his arms will pop out of their sockets and all we will see will be a pair of arms gripping a club sailing down the fairway.

There were some pests out on the course today in the form of tiny flying insects and they were particularly prevalent on the 9th green causing some to think they were seeing spots before their eyes and interfering with their putting stroke by settling all over the ball.  Not wanting to tell tales on a guest but apparently Derek upended his bag twice on the 17th.  Opinion was divided as to whether this was just clumsiness or whether he just couldn’t find the right club without doing so.

So, any number of contenders for the big prize next week.  Even if you didn’t play today, come along and join the fun and participate in the usual bar-b-que that Gordon will be catering in his usual gourmet style.  Casual attendances will fill the spots in the front groups (and/or create new groups).  Pepsi will undoubtedly bring along snaps of the new addition and she will have to count for a wish from the Birthday Birdie this week as the calendar seems to be empty of auspicious occasions just at the moment.

Results for Saturday, 10 October 2015
Leaderboard Round 1 1st Harry Boughen(+3) 1st Trevor Jackson(+3) 2nd Chris Priems(+2) 3rd Keith Delzoppo(+1) 3rd Taner Kemal(+1) 4th Gordon Hill(□) 4th Brendon Mitchell(□) 5th Stephen Butterfield(-1) 5th Simon Powell(-1)

There has got to be some special significance to the number nine.  Perhaps it will be the number of goals that Hawthorn wins the Grand Final by.  Perhaps it is the number of planets that used to be in the Solar System – until they demoted poor old Pluto.  Perhaps it is the number of strokes that Snags took after his tee shot on the 16th to get the ball in the hole.  And perhaps it is the number of members who could tear themselves away from Footy Festivities to take advantage of the beautiful spring weather and the magnificent course conditions at Ivanhoe.

So, since there were more than the minimum six players required for a competition, there was some discussion as to whether it should be declared a competition day or not.  Common sense prevailed and it remained a Social round, if only to keep Gordon from accumulating more points in the Championship tables.  As it turned out, that was a good move as GG (Gouty Gordo) set out to take the course apart.  At least he did until the 14th when Snags put the mockers on him to induce an uncharacteristic lapse in putting.  A repeat performance on the 15th had the handicapper looking askance and asking whether he was choking or foxing.  On balance, it was deemed to be more likely the former.  So, despite this lapse, if there was a winner on the day, it would have to have been Gordon who has vowed to keep up his diet of tomatoes, shellfish and red wine to keep the gout ticking over with the attendant need to wear sneakers rather than golf shoes and to keep the weight on the other foot.

In the absence of a club competition, a cash pool was established and divided between two ProPins, one on the 12th and one on the 15th.  Snags was tasked with the carrying of the markers and despite his threats to put them out on holes where he had good shots, they did go out on the nominated holes.  Mal snuck one in on the 12th and was pleasantly surprised to receive the cash.  Lo and behold, the name on the marker at the 15th was Snags which might go some way to explaining why there was no club throwing after the afore-mentioned debacle on the next hole.  He did get a bit cranky with the ball though.  Or maybe he is just being a good boy in the lead up to his birthday next week.  Have a happy one Snags.

Keith has woken up from his winter hibernation and seemed fairly happy with his first round for a while.  The Beast has also advised that he is now fit and well and will be a force to be contended with in the weeks to come.  Bring it on!

DennisT seemed fairly relaxed about not getting a call-up to work at the Darklands and was pleased to be able to work on getting his swing back into the groove.  The greens were deemed to be hard and fast and nary a birdie was heard to tweet.  However, Dennis reckoned he putted for par on twelve holes and only managed to get one.

Reports of three putts were common and although some of the pin placings were unusual and tightly placed, it seems that the pace was more a factor than anything else.  However, there was one no putt green after Harry took a drop out of the hazard at the back of the 5th and proceeded to chip it up and in for an unlikely five.  Never looked like missing according to his playing partners.  Some thought the shot had been played out of the hazard and lost interest when they heard otherwise.

On the 2nd tee, Gordon saw something that he reckons you don’t often see on GF Day, to whit, a Magpie, on the ground in front of the tee.  He also opined that if it wasn’t careful it could be a dead one.  Though a bit off line, Gordo’s tee shot was low enough to have done the job.  Thank Gord for that, said the magpie.

Simon has been gallivanting in the course of his employ and tells stories of his amazement at the standard of the driving ranges in Japan.  Nobody touches a ball in the whole place, not even the staff.  The practice hasn’t paid off just yet but he reckons, when he works on the strength of his left shoulder, he will be a force to be contended with (or at least he’ll be able to keep playing the game).

Next week is the first round of the Fred Kitson.  We are hoping for a good roll up and would like to know if we need to reserve another tee spot.  We know that a couple of old members are going to turn up so please let us know one way or another if you will be playing.  Send an email or use the Registration page.