Monthly Archives: April 2017

The course was very crowded today when it was populated by 22 members, 2 provisional members and 24,000,000 mosquitoes.  Well, maybe not that many mozzies, but, judging from the complaints and the amount of Aerogard being sprayed around, maybe it isn’t too bad an estimate.  Joe was certainly one of the most popular guys on course as he had the can of repellent.  But, the weather turned out nice and the course has softened somewhat with the soaking that has been going on over the last week or so.  There were no preferred lies though despite some people suggesting that there should have been when their ball showed up with clods of mud attached.  So the only preferred lies will have to be about the way the game was played.

The course can’t have been too bad though as we managed to score 13 birdies for the day.  And reports have it that Brent missed an eagle by a whisker when he put it to 1.5m of the hole on the 14th and then left the ball hanging on the edge of the cup.  Ryan also went close on the 15th when he went within a whisker of scoring a Hole-in-One (and eagle) when the ball ran across the edge of the hole and pulled up 39cm past the hole.  This was more than enough to win him the Jackpot ProPin when he squeezed out SOS and Mary (oops that should be Matty) who had their names on the card before-hand.  The ProPin on the 18th also went off with Whitey being victorious with a shot to 2.33m.  Rod didn’t add to the birdie tally but the cash was more than welcome.  Gordon shut out everybody from winning a ball on the BallPin, 4th hole.

There wasn’t an official count but our winner today was estimated to have had about fifteen one putt greens.  They were apparently falling in from all directions and distances.  This perhaps compensated a little for the fifteen trees that he hit while playing the long part of the game although, mostly, the outcome of the arboreal adventures was not too unfavourable.  So, a swag of points for today’s effort keeps John moving up the Championship Table and the list of players within a win of the front just keeps getting longer and longer.  With a Major in the offing next month, will there be a break-out or will there be new contenders arise?

Second place needed a score only one behind the winner and with a card playing to the handicap, there was no damage on that front.  The players to manage that feat came from almost opposite ends of the age bracket of the Club with Keith and Brent staking out the five point spot.  Both of them took quite a few holes to warm to the task with much better scoring on the back nine than on the front.

In third place, we had Pepsi, who was also embroiled in his Matchplay contest with Matt.  That doesn’t seem to have distracted him too much although it did take him the first nine to get going but he finished strongly with a one under par total on the back.  The match score generally reflected the fortunes changing as the round progressed with Matt having a slight upper hand early on until Pepsi got his rhythm going and got himself within reach of victory at the 14th.  They both birdied the 15th and the Matt won the next two to make the match all square at the 18th tee.  Would there be a chip-off and could Pepsi wait around for the crowd?  Matt tried hard to make the birdie on the 18th but overshot and needed two more to complete which let Pepsi in for a win, 1 up.

A lot of players took the front nine to warm up, but not Gordon.  He went out with a flourish and did not mar his front nine with a singleton on the card.  The back was a bit of a different story but he did get enough points to share the spot with Brendon.  Now everybody knows that Brendon loves his little distance measuring gadget to help with his club selection.  But did he really have to be sighting on Pepsi’s backside instead of the pin?  Something about the pin moving too much.  Sounds like a likely story!

Michael has been endeavouring to bring some order to the allocation of members to the playing groups before the round and he imagines a system where everybody has their own little card.  Then their name is written on (and moved around) the sheet in pretty much the same old way.  Maybe it will make more sense after a few more rounds.  But, enough of that.  Michael was still able to get himself onto the podium and he had to share that spot with Blighty and Matt (of matchplay fame).  Now Blighty was feeling a bit disconsolate after he carded three triple bogies on the first three holes and had pretty much written off his round as a lost cause.  His day was made worse when he realised around the 10th green that a five dollar note that he had carefully put aside to pay his comp fee to SOS had gone missing from his pocket.  Maybe that stress explains why he shortchanged himself a point on that hole.  Now Harry had spotted the recalcitrant note at the bottom of the path down from the 10th and thought, maybe the clouds do have a silver lining.  But, the story about the comp fee softened his heart and Blighty cheered up no end and ended up coming home with a wet sail.  As it turned out, Gordon had chipped in the dosh for the comp fee and so ‘the money goes round and round and it comes out here’.

One of the new players today was Jake Priems who just happens to be Chrispy’s son and he is planning to join us on a regular basis from now on and will be joining the comp once he gets his three cards in.  At this stage, it is unclear whether Jake has inherited his father;s uncanny golfing skills but it seems that he did have to buy a couple of rounds after mishaps from the 2nd and 3rd tee.  Jake brought along one of his mates, Michael Papa, who generally goes by the sobriquet of Pappa and he too will be around from time to time.  Welcome along chaps.

While on the subject of draughties, there were a couple of others reported today.  Harry managed one on the 3rd with a serious ‘scone’ job.  Joe managed a severe shank later on in the round to emulate the feat.  Eddie went close on the 11th when he pulled out his driver to try his shot through the trees and down the 6th fairway except it didn’t miss the trees and made a ricochet a fair way back towards the red markers.

Now, it is getting on towards winter and the sun is coming up later but it must have been early in the morning when Steve got up and pulled on a pair of socks.  Not sure whose drawer they came out of but they certainly made some sort of a statement.

There is a thought about that JohnQ is trying to give up smoking by not carrying a lighter.  If that is the case, then he is not succeeding, as he was spotted, numerous times, borrowing lighters with the promise to return them at the next hole or the end of the round.  Rob had a bit of a bad day and reckoned that he missed everything, including the golf course.  Damo on the other hand couldn’t stop hitting the golf course with shots best described as ‘fat’

Ryan was another one with only a few highlights (viz 15th ProPin).  One big complaint was that he couldn’t sink a putt to save himself.  It seems that he has a new putter but it certainly was not performing today.  One suggestion was that the batteries were flat but Ryan must have faith as he was knocking back offers to take it off his hands for the scrap value.

Gordon reports that there are still spots available for the Annual Challenge  A fifty dollar deposit into the Club bank account will reserve you a spot.  He is still waiting to get  final cost for those members who are planning to arrange their own accommodation.  Don’t miss out as it is a great weekend of golf and you can surprise the missus and bring her along even if she hates the game.  Plenty to do in Shep.  Just ask SOS.

Results for Saturday, 29 April 2017
1st John Quinlan(37) 2nd Keith Delzoppo(36) 2nd Brent Rowley(36) 3rd Andrew Petricola(35) 4th Gordon Hill(34) 4th Brendon Mitchell(34) 5th Andrew Blight(33) 5th Michael Gourlay(33) 5th Matt Hunt(33)

Seniors Results: 1st Keith Delzoppo (36) 2nd Gordon Hill (34) 3rd Andrew Blight (33)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Ryan Porker ProPin No 2 18th Rodney White BallPin 4th Gordon Hill

Last week, Noodles, so he says, made an accurate prediction of how many members would front for today’s event. Without knowing what that prediction was, it’s hard to say whether he would have picked twenty and a half.  How come half a player you might ask.  Well, Ed was in such a rush to get away to a wedding (not his own) that he set about spifflicating poor young Noodles in the matchplay round, 8 and 7, just so that he could get away after the 13th. Some unkind souls were suggesting that he was just protecting his handicap.  The weather was fine and mild and the course was refreshed from the recent rains but not over-dampened and so it is a bit hard to explain why we only managed to card 4 birdies between the lot of us.  And two of those were down to Pepsi.

Despite the lack of birdies, there has been some movement in the Eclectic Table and Jason now has a slender lead most likely due to the handicap hit that Bob took after today’s event.  Now, for a bloke who comes out at the start of the day crying about how much he hates Par and spends a fair part of the round complaining about how poorly he is playing, he didn’t do too badly coming in with a score of +2.  And he reckons he only went bad after Trev commented on how well he was going.  Bob didn’t have it on his own though as both SOS and Brendon were able to emulate the achievement to collect the points and share the podium.

It wasn’t a day for the Priems clan as far as keeping track of their scores went and as a result, Chrispy probably owes Rob a ball.  Rob missed a point that he won on the 4th and that brought his card up to square and he was able to join JohnQ on the second podium step.  Chrispy, on the other hand gave himself a point of the 6th, and that had the effect of dropping him down a step to join Harry in 3rd place.  Not quite as far up the Championship Table as you thought, eh Chris.

The irrepressible Allan (aka Thunderbirds-are-go) continued on his merry way and moved further up the Table with a very impressive Strike Rate of 5.75, streets in front of anybody else on that measure.  He was joined by Ryan, who, despite being accused on not being able to add up by Noodles, managed to card up a -2 as well.  Four members crowded onto the lowest podium level with Jason, Trev, Targe and Pepsi getting up close and personal with their scores of -3.

The Matchplay round is getting along and only two matches remain in Round 2 with two weeks to get them out of the way.  You (should) know who you are.  The other two matches today were a bit more of a competition with Rob and Whitey fighting it out to the last with Rob snatching victory at the 18th to take the match 1 up.  Rob said afterwards that he found it quite disconcerting as this was the first time that he had ever had to give strokes to an opponent.  Your life is now complete Rob, you can die happy.  Rob’s bro, Chris, went into battle with Mehmet and the to’s and fro’s went a bit like the troop movements at Gallipoli although Aussie Chris seemed to have to best of it at the turn.  That is until they reached habibi corner and Mehmet made a comeback to almost push Chrispy back into the sea.  A square card at the 18th brought on a mass migration of members to the practice green for the first chip-off that we have seen in quite some time.  The chipping part of the contest went to Chris and the pressure was on Mehm to sink his putt and put the pressure back on Chris.  The putt slipped by and Chrispy calmly slotted his to take the match.

The BallPin today was on the 4th and Pepsi eventually collected the ball after squeezing out Targe and SOS who had made prior claims.  The mobile ProPin was on the 12th and, given the small number of birdies scored, it is perhaps no surprise that there were no contenders and the prize will Jackpot to next week.  The fixed ProPin on the 18th was already a Jackpot so maybe there was an incentive to try a bit harder on this one.  As it was, Brendon managed to put his to 4.29m and he was a very happy man to collect the double lot of cash.  It must be said that he did resemble a mendicant type with the saucer full of money at his feet after the presentations.  And you’ll be pleased to know that Brendon hasn’t lost his grip, he’s just getting a set of new ones and today’s divvie will go some way to paying for them.

Although Jason did make it onto the points table today he made the going a bit hard by trying desperately to have to shout a round for his playing companions.  On at least three holes, his drive is reported to have barely made it past the red markers and so they do not qualify as a draughtie but, taken as a group, they would almost have to qualify for a shout.  Actually, Jason did offer to put his hand into his pocket but his soft-hearted team opted not to take up his offer.  There were lots of shouts of ‘Fore’ from the 14th tee and the first of these resulted in a ball coming close, but not too close, to Trev as he made his way up the 16th.  On the second occasion, Trev made a upper body sway that would have done an Aussie batsman, facing a bouncer, proud to narrowly avoid being in the way of the incoming missile.  Might even have made contact with the brim of his Akubra.

Simon had the loft on a few of his clubs adjusted during the week.  The result of the change was not necessarily spectacular.  Isn’t there something about – if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?  Gordon hit his drive on the 17th to somewhere it couldn’t be found so, ever optimistic, he sprinted back to the tee and laid into a second ball which finished over by the 18th green.  With only his driver available (not wanting to delay things), Gordon managed to scone it and the ball popped up and only managed to progress a matter of centimetres.  Undaunted, he applied the driver again and this time made good contact but too late to salvage a score on the hole.  He reckons he needn’t have hurried because the group behind was having trouble keeping up.

Although Ed was in a hurry to get the Match against Noodles over, Noodles didn’t do himself any favours by taking four putts on the first.  Pepsi noticed a large carp in the pond by the 2nd tee and mentioned the fact to Chrispy who came back – what, swimming?  No Chris, waltzing!  Allan was telling a little story after the round, as he is wont to do, and the upshot seems to be that he tripped over a chair leg and ended up pulling the knickers off a passing waitress.  A likely story, about tripping over the chair leg, that is.

Results for Saturday, 22 April 2017
1st Bob McDonald(+2) 1st Brendon Mitchell(+2) 1st Stephen O’Sullivan(+2) 2nd Robert Priems(□) 2nd John Quinlan(□) 3rd Harry Boughen(-1) 3rd Chris Priems(-1) 4th Allan Davies(-2) 4th Ryan Porker(-2) 5th Jason Hopkins(-3) 5th Trevor Jackson(-3) 5th Targe Mifsud(-3) 5th Andrew Petricola(-3)

Seniors Results: 1st Bob McDonald (+2) 2nd Harry Boughen (-1) 3rd Allan Davies (-2)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Brendon Mitchell BallPin 4th Andrew Petricola

Before tee time, Damo asked of the assembled 15 members what would be a winning score.  When 39 was suggested, Damo was a little surprised and posited that he thought 35 or 36 would be the upper limit.  Everybody had chosen their three clubs with all sorts of reasons for the choice ranging from professional advice through to it was dark so the first three that came to hand.  Extra-club Eddie was spotted with four clubs in his bag and despite his promises to only use three he was prevailed upon to return one to his car.  Allan was spotted with a similar club count but he claims that it was a genuine mistake when he was a bit undecided about whether to take his eight or his nine.  He is a senior after all.  Though he did claim to not know what the Seniors Championship was all about.  He has been away for a while.

At the end of the day, the prediction of 39 points did not quite come to pass though it could easily have been beaten had Noodles not had a gash on his card for the 3rd hole.  Noodles went a long way towards proving that you don’t really need a bag full of clubs to score well and he obviously put his three iron, pitching wedge and putter to very good use to come home with 38 points and one stroke less to play with next week.  There were eight Championship Points and balls in compensation.

Allan seems to be relishing the move from Yarrambat to the shorter course here at Ivanhoe as he featured again today having held the Clubhouse leadership from the first group through to the last when Noodles came home to snatch the bacon.  The handicapper was more than happy to shave a little more off to try to keep Allan under control.

Presumably, due to the Easter weekend, Snags was able to tear himself away from the buses and made it to the course.  There were all sorts of predictions as to how out of form he might be after a lengthy break but it was agreed that he didn’t have to put in cards to be re-handicapped.  He was in the same group as SOS and the pair of them went head to head and hammer and tongs the whole way.  The score was tilted slightly in Snags’ favour at the 18th when SOS started to play mind games about letting Craig in on a little secret.  Whether this got to him or not, he missed a putt that would have kept his lead and the pair of them ended up equal on 36 points and one stroke the difference off the stick.  The secret, it seems was that today was SOS’s birthday and that as a result Craig owed him a beer.

While on the subject of birthdays, the Birthday Birdie was a little remiss last week and failed to mention that RodG marked another little milestone in his quest to play a round under his age.  No, he didn’t have a good round, he just had another birthday.  Anyway, Happy Birthday, Rod and SOS.

Porks also played in the last group so maybe it was that the conditions improved as the morning progressed resulting in better scoring in the later groups.  As it was, there were a few disappointed faces when he presented with a card of 30 points because, up to that point, nobody else had and the new score pushed a number of people out of the points tally for the day.  Ryan managed to get at least one birdie on his card but there were only six reported for the day.

One point further back were a trio of players by the names of Damo, Michael and Simon.  They all managed to come in with 29 points which is still a pretty fair effort.  By all reports, Damo was thoroughly sick of his eight iron by the end of the round.  There were no reports on his opinion of the rescue that he was using for long shots.

The BallPin today was on the 12th and once again it was a virtual no-contest after Allan got his name on the card from the first group.  Targe did try to put up an argument that his was closer using a perpendicular from the line joining the tee to the hole.  Unfortunately for Targe the conventional wisdom is that it is the direct line to the hole that is taken as the measure of closeness to the pin.  The roving ProPin was on the 4th and yet again it was the first group that shut out the rest of the field with Simon managing to put his to 4.56m which was just within the 5m limit.  The fixed ProPin on the 18th went pretty much the other way with nobody laying claim to it until Damo went close.  But, unfortunately, it has not close enough with a measurement made at 5.2m.  As a result, there will be a Jackpot of the funds to next week.

During the week, Mehm was onto Chrispy about playing Matchplay today claiming that he wasn’t worried about it being the Three Club Challenge as he would need only two clubs to beat Chrispy.  No deal to play was struck but when Mehm was a non-starter today, Chrispy reckoned that he should be able to claim a walkover for the round.  As a result, the are no Matchplay results this week.  There are still three weeks to finish Round 2 but sooner rather than later would be better and if Round 3 know their opponents there is probably no reason why they should not get ahead of the game.

ChrisV generally didn’t have much of a day but there was one highlight with a birdie on the 4th.  The tee shot was pulled severely and headed for the forest on the left side of the fairway where, fortunately, one of the Priems trees stood at the ready and flung the ball back into play on the fairway.  From there, Chris proceeded to chip it in to the amazement of all concerned.  A couple who didn’t get off so lightly were Snags and Keith who both suffered the indignity of pulling off a draughtie each on the 2nd.  Chrispy was overheard hoping for them to lift their game if he was to get home sober.

Targe, for one, might be going to reconsider his club choice if he ever plays the Three Club Challenge again (he said he wouldn’t).  Trying to analyse what was going wrong, he decided that he was standing too close to the ball.  Whether it was the big one he was standing on or the small one he was trying to hit would be a moot point from any number of aspects though the ‘dropkick’ count was fairly high.  Allan on his motorised sit-upon reminds Chrispy of his younger (or maybe, not so younger) days watching Thunderbirds.  Allan reckons he can remind people of anything they like as it allows him to get out and play golf.

There was some discussion about the local rules (you can guess who started it) and for everybody’s edification a complete copy (the card only has a part copy) of the IPGC Local Rules has been obtained and the page on the website will be updated forthwith.

Results for Saturday, 15 April 2017
1st Stephen Butterfield(38) 2nd Allan Davies(37) 3rd Craig Sharp(36) 3rd Stephen O’Sullivan(36) 4th Ryan Porker(30) 5th Michael Gourlay(29) 5th Damien Lee(29) 5th Simon Powell(29) 5th Chris Priems(29)

Seniors Results: 1st Allan Davies (37) 2nd Simon Powell (29) 3rd Harry Boughen (28)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 4th Simon Powell ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 12th Allan Davies

Now, Michael did say that he was going to run the tee marshalling a bit differently but it was a bit of a surprise to find him this morning settled at a table in the Pro Shop at a table piled high with ladies golf shoes on special.  Turned out that our usual spot was off limits due to some ne’er-do-wells deciding they were hungry during the night, smashing in a window and defongerating with an armful of Gaytimes or something similar.  Obviously, they were having a gay old time.  Maybe it was the balmy night that addled their brain.

Conditions on the course were balmy and the sprinklers must have been off the greens since Thursday (when they were saturated) because they were firm and fast which brought more than a few unstuck with their short game.  There was a bit of a northerly blowing and Chrispy’s view before the round was that a square card would be enough to win and so he played to get himself a place using that as his standard.  As it turned out, a square card would have got you 5th place and Chrispy was well down the pecking order beyond that.  So much for being a judge of the conditions.

Wind or no wind, Matt got himself onto the Championship table with a vengeance by taking out the event by a good margin and doing his handicap some harm with seven points on the plus side of the ledger.  And his card included at least three on the debit side so he could have easily smashed it and finished with a par equalling round off the stick.  Still, three over ain’t half bad and Matt should be thankful that we haven’t adopted Ed’s handicapping system.

Jason has been working permanent afternoon shift and has been taking his mornings to fit in some practice during the week with a nine holes here and a nine holes there.  He reckons there was only one nine holes last week but it seems to have stood him in good stead as he was able to put in a pretty handy +5 to take out second spot.  The handicap is sneaking down but this new lot of points has moved Jason to the top of the Championship Table but with nine people within a win of the top spot there is plenty of room for manoeuvre.

Targe was another one who had a bit of practice during the week and he reckons he was able to work something out and put it into practice.  Whether it was that or just blind chance doesn’t matter as he was able to score well, particularly on the back nine, though when he faltered on the 17th, some unkind types cried handicap protection.  In the end, +3 was enough for third place in the main game and also for top spot in the Seniors both on the day on on the Seniors Championship.  Brent started well but tired a bit on the back to finish with +1 and 4th place.  Damo and Noodles rounded out the points table for today, not quite making Chrispy’s predicted winning score and carding a -1 apiece.  Noodles would have liked to have scored more than a plus for his effort on the 17th where he managed to raid the Eagles Nest and collected a nice little seven eggs just in time for Easter.

The BallPin today was on the 15th and it was fiercely contested with no less than three names on the card.  In the end, Michael was the one to collect the ball on offer.  And this was after he had extorted one from Ed for having forgotten to put the marker out last week.  The Jackpot ProPin was on the 12th and Jason must have thought he was in with a chance but he was squeezed out by Keith who managed to finish his 2.43 m from the hole.  Harry was disappointed to find his ball stopped 200mm short of the plug where the hole had been previously.  The second ProPin on the 18th was a one-man show with Rob being the only one to get, just, close enough at 4.87 m (and barely on the green it might be added).  Rob wasn’t able to get the birdie (or even the par) and so he did not contribute to the total of 15 that we managed throughout the day.

Round 1 on the Matchplay was completed with walkovers being awarded to Rob and Chrispy.  Round 2 is well under way and there were three matches contested today.  SteveK and the Beast did battle and with the handicap difference only two strokes it was very much an off-the-stick event.  Bill got his nose in front at the 4th and never really looked back and although Steve fought something of a rearguard action in the middle of the back, the match went dormie at the 14th and a squared result at the 15th sealed the match for the Beast 4 and 3.  Eddie and JohnQ fought it out long and hard and although John didn’t quite make into positive territory he held the match to square until the 14th but Ed eventually got up 2 and 1.  The match between Damo and Stef promised much but, in the end, Damo was never much worried, even by Stef putting his drive on the 16th within a couple of metres of the green.  Stef did win that hole to make the match dormie but Damo won the next to take the match 3 and 1.

Jason went close to snatching the Eagles Nest from Noodles by just coming up short for a Hole-in-One on the 4th.  SOS swears that if the ball had bounced one more time it would have gone in.  The birdie must have been a sure thing.  But, as they say in the classics, close, but no cigar (or balls, or plaque).  Targe did the presentations today (as the Club captain should) and there was not a single call for him to stand up.  And, although he isn’t the longest pencil in the case, he still does cast a shadow and needed to be reminded to move aside on the green at one stage.

Blighty was mostly hitting his drives well today, except for the 17th where a chunked shot finished well short of the red markers.  His technique of holding his right heel well off the ground might well be unconventional but it does seem to be not disadvantageous (for him, anyway).  Chrispy was also spotted buying a round for a deviation on the 15th that did not result in a Priems recovery from amongst the trees.  Damo had his short game going today, much to the exasperation of Stefan who opined that Damo could get up and down out of elephant dung (or words to that effect).

Some advice from Targe is that, if you don’t want your Club cap (or your head?) to turn purple, you should wear a hankie inside it (your cap, that is).

Results for Saturday, 08 April 2017
1st Matt Hunt(+7) 2nd Jason Hopkins(+5) 3rd Targe Mifsud(+3) 4th Brent Rowley(+1) 5th Stephen Butterfield(-1) 5th Damien Lee(-1)

Seniors Results: 1st Targe Mifsud (+3) 2nd Keith Delzoppo (-2) 3rd Bill Eastoe (-3)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 12th Keith Delzoppo ProPin No 2 18th Robert Priems BallPin 15th Michael Gourlay

Eagle’s nest Results: Eagle 17th Stephen Butterfield