The golf was very ordinary this week, embarrassingly bad scores.

So let’s start with the birthdays. Harry was missing this week and it might have something to do with a milestone birthday. Perhaps a milestone with an 8 in front of it. Happy birthday Harry!

I did commission some birthday party photos for the blog – or a video of Harry dancing – but at the time of going to publication these were yet to be received.

There’s no less than another 5 birthdays coming up this week, including Brendon with a milestone with a 5 in front of it (only 5 years until Seniors for you Brendon), plus Ken, Chris Vinecombe, Johnny Q and Kazim. A major birthday season.

Speaking birthdays, big congratulations to Porks and his partner Vicky whose second child Isabella da Gama was born back on 13 June. The Porks parenting report is that “we are all doing good”.

Meanwhile, as for the golf, Adam wasn’t kidding when he announced on Thursday there were cheap points on offer this week.

While only five and half of the field of seven squeezed into the attempted whole group selfie – Blighty, Prez, a still hung-over Johnny Q, Steve and Stan, it was Bobby (who the photographer somehow missed) who started on fire with a 4-point par on the first.

Unfortunately Bob could only muster another 21 points over the next 17 holes for a total of 25 points (reported as 22 in the after-round but was actually 25 when checked). This was good enough for both NAGA and fifth place points.

Chrispy was absent and there was no truth in the rumour he was sooking after being double robbed – Collingwood and the umpires again, plus somebody fluking an eagle on the last and beating him in the Friday comp at the Frog.

Johnny Q played with Chrispy at the Frog and said it was one of his worst rounds ever – for the first 15 holes anyway (something like 16 points after 15 holes – followed by 10 points in the last 3). Kicking on after the Friday game to produce one of his better hangovers, John debated whether he should make the Saturday morning trip to Royal Ivanhoe.

30 points later the jury was still out on that decision, but John was happy to bank the two championship points for equal fourth with Stan, even though it wasn’t quite enough to keep him in the lead in the prestigious Vardon Trophy race (best average points per round). He has now slipped to second, the proverbial bees dick 0.03 behind Michael.

As the low marker in the first group with Bobby and Steve, Stan was put in charge of making sure the group kept up a decent pace of play. Stan duly made sure they hit the ground running and stayed running all day. They went out hard and were two holes ahead of Group 2 by the time they finished the sixth.

Prez, Michael, Blighty and Johnny Q were more than a bit shocked to be finishing up on the fourth green and notice Stan, Bobby and Steve walking to the seventh tee. There’s no doubt if there was an Olympics for the opposite of slow play, Stan would win the gold hands down.

Steve managed to keep himself calm in Stan’s slipstream for most of the day and managed 31 points which was enough for third place on the podium.

Blighty played pretty well all day and made quite a few decent length putts to keep his round going, including one on the 15th that he announced “geez that was a great putt” as it curled right to left and dropped in. Another good putt rolled in on the last saw Blighty sign for 33 points and second place. He might have finished with higher honours if he could have played the 16th again. A gash there was costly.

Michael started well but then lost the plot after missing a short birdie putt on the 6th followed by a duff off the 7th tee and two more missed short putts on the 8th and 9th. He played angry all day after the 6th and was lucky to cobble together 34 points.

He was joined on the winner’s dias with 34 points by Prez Priems who hit the finishing tape at full speed with a brilliant 4-point birdie on the 17th after driving it to a few inches off the green and then a solid par for another 3 points up the 18th. Rob will need to make eagle for 4 points on the 17th next week as the winner’s penalty drops his handicap to 13 and that means no stroke on the 17th.

So yes if you are reading at home, you so could have won the day if you turned up! Perfect weather, perhaps a bit cool for the first few holes. But no wind. Very few crazy pins and lots of run on the fairways and lift and clean still in place. You couldn’t ask for easier scoring conditions and you’d have thought even the motley group of seven who turned up could do better than 34 for first and 25 for fifth!

Along the way Michael won the balls for nearest the pins on the 4th and 18th (just knocking off Steve there). The money on the 12th jackpots, with Michael’s shot just not quite close enough. So a big $7 in the jackpot pool for next week boys.

Results for Saturday, 10 Aug 2024
1st Michael Gourlay (34) 1st Robert Priems (34) 2nd Andrew Blight (33) 3rd Steven Gervasoni (31) 4th Stan Blackshaw (30) 4th John Quinlan (30) 5th Bob McDonald (25)

Seniors Results: 1st Michael Gourlay (34) 2nd Andrew Blight (33) 3rd Steven Gervasoni (31)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Jackpot BallPin No 1 – 4th Michael Gourlay BallPin No 2 – 18th Michael Gourlay

Rain had been forecast for sometime during the day, but there had not been much during the week, so the course promised to be in pretty good condition, even if the pond penalty areas were highly likely to be full. This standing water did make a couple of the surrounding areas a bit on the soggy side, but, if you could stay away from those, the course was actually fairly benign. As it turned out, there was little sign of the promised rain, although the cloud did build up and look slightly threatening by the end of the round. The continued availability of preferred lie was very welcome from time to time when the ball encountered some of the sticky stuff. The forecast temperatures should not have been particularly off-putting, so, it is perhaps a little disappointing that we could only muster ten starters to compete for a Monthly Medal.

Craig is settling back into his old routine quite comfortably after his extended lay-off recently, with the ‘old-reliable’ half back-swing sending the ball down the centre of the fairway with disgusting regularity. He did stray a bit off course on the 14th, heading for the penalty area, although Harry had a feeling that there might have been enough carry to get past. Sure enough, the ball was out, though heavily caked in mud. Coincidentally, Harry had ‘tried’ the same shot, but suffered a vastly different fate. Craig gave the Eagle a bit of a scare on the 17th when his pitch into the green just trickled past the hole to leave the easiest of tap-ins for the birdie. The lofted club stood him in good stead again of the 18th when the chip trickled towards the hole, just caught the edge of the cup and finished mere millimetres from dropping in. The resulting net score of 65 was plenty to snag another medal to add to his collection.

And, in the process, he made Michael all bitter and twisted, as this was the second time recently that Michael was coming home with what he thought might be a winning score, only to be pipped at the post by Craig. Michael actually made par on every hole on the back nine, making a nice pattern of three groups of 4, 4, 3. The lowlight of the front nine was probably the double on the 4th, but he did make a birdie on the 9th, which was the second of the two that were carded for the day. JQ is keen to get some runs on the board while he is less than fully occupied with pursuing his career. However, the pars proved to be just that little bit elusive today, but, on the other hand, there were no major disasters. Even an OOB did not faze him, although SOS did question whether he counted it or not before he would hand out the ball from the ball run for his third place result with his 70 net.

Adam set two alarm clocks today, but, apparently, did not require either of them, to make it in time to actually do the tee marshalling. The early rise did him no harm as by the turn, he was only four strokes over the card, and that included a triple on the second. The Valvoline began to escape in a big way after the turn, and that performance was worse than the front at the rate of over one per hole, so that Adam was only able to finish net 72 to grab fourth place. Typical of his front nine game was a flop shot out of the rough behind the 5th green to a very short side pin to virtual tap in distance for his par. Harry was pretty pleased with his front nine, particularly with the putts sinking fairly reliably from the 2 to 3m range. It was quite a different scenario on the back, where putts from half a metre and less were missing by a margin. As a result, a net 77 was the best that he could muster to flop into fifth place. Steve had a few words to say about the fact that his handicap had taken a fair sort of a haircut after his performance over the previous two weeks. He chopped and changed between his driver and his 3 wood from the tee to get some cracking shots away. However, it was the follow-up shots from the fairway that produced the most angst and evinced the most self-abuse. Still, he was able to produce a net 77 and join Harry on the podium for 5th place.

Today also saw the first of the Matchplay semi-finals between Brendon and Targe, with Brendon having to give away 24 strokes. Targe did not get away to a very good start, producing double figures on the first two holes. But, potentially, that means little when it comes to matchplay. By the end of the first nine, the match was all tied up, with the score standing at square. Brendon managed to win the first two holes on the back nine, although Targe did not give them up quite so easily as he did the first two. There was a mini-tussle over the next few holes, but the surge ran out of steam, and, at the 15th the match went to dormie 3 in Brendon’s favour. With a need to win on the 16th, the best Targe could do was to square the hole, and the match went to Brendon 3 and 2.

The 4th hole often proves problematic when it hosts a nearest-the-pin competition, none more so than today when the white tees were set well back. However, it made little difference to Adam, in the ‘better’ half of his round, who got it on and collected himself a ball for the first BallPin. Even in the ‘not-so-better’ half of his round, Adam was able to put his shot onto the 18th to make a bridesmaid of Michael (again), and to collect another ball for the second BallPin. The ProPin was set for the 15th, and ‘Old Reliable’ cracked one straight at it, but expressed the opinion, from the tee, that it was well past the pin. You could say that, if you reckon that 1.4m is well past. We won’t mention the fact that the birdie putt missed by a frog’s hair.

Rob had one of those days today. The 9th gave him a bit of trouble, but he did manage to stave off disaster by pulling off a pretty speccy up-and-down. However, it wasn’t so much of an up-and-down in a strict sense on the 18th, where he had three up-and-downs. Up towards the green and back down the hill, twice finishing further from the green than where he started. Adam was spotted expressing his artistic talents after the round as he delicately applied the sachet of tomato sauce to the top of his hot pie. There is a rumour that he is in training for an attempt at the world record for the longest continuous run of sauce from a single sachet. And, then, to eat the pie without losing a single drop.

The Birthday Birdie almost forgot. Ben was in for a big day today, and he is really looking forward to joining the Seniors tour next year. Harry has a big day coming up during the week, so a big shout out to him as well. If ‘Mango Man’, Ken, is around next Saturday, be sure to give him a slap on the back and pass on best wishes for BB.

Results for Saturday, 03 Aug 2024
1st Craig Cameron (65) 2nd Michael Gourlay (69) 3rd John Quinlan (70) 4th Adam King (72) 5th Harry Boughen (77) 5th Steven Gervasoni (77)

Seniors Results: 1st Craig Cameron (65) 2nd Michael Gourlay (69) 3rd Harry Boughen (77) 3rd Steven Gervasoni (77)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 15th Craig Cameron BallPin No 1 – 4th Adam King BallPin No 2 – 18th Adam King

There had been a fair drop of rain during the week, and the Bureau had been predicting another drop today, so it is perhaps not surprising that the car-park was remarkably devoid of occupants as our eleven brave souls set out with determination in their hearts to crash-tackle Steve and show him that there is no such thing as an unassailable lead. There were few signs on the horizon when we set out, but CJ had opened a hot-line to the BOM, and, at about 1130, he received an urgent message that we should expect rain at 1200. At precisely 1200, the last group were teeing up on the 18th, and the first drops began to fall, and, by the time that they made it to the barbecue, it was raining quite steadily with the radar indicating that there was quite a bit to follow. We were probably not too popular with the groups queued up behind our rather ‘slow’ train. The lead group of three had finished a good three holes in front, which, in an Irish sort of a way, had turned out to be a good thing. But, more of that later.

The story of the day just had to be Steve. After last week’s demolition derby, the question being asked, would this be the dew-damp tom-thumb picked up from the ground the morning after Guy Fawkes Night! For those too young to know what the hell I am on about, ask and oldie! It turned out to be almost as good as the tuppenny bunger on the night. Ditto. His stated aim was to score two points on every hole, and he eased the burden with a par on the 3rd for four points for the second week in a row, and he was able to make the turn with those two points up his sleeve and ahead of his target. The back nine did not have quite so many two stroke holes, but he was able to keep the points ticking over at better than target rate until the 16th. An errant tee-shot from the 17th didn’t quite catch enough of the walking path fence to bring it back into play, and a second shot from the tee was required. A missed putt spoiled a chance to achieve a secondary aim of not having a miss, and he finished just one point shy of the two a hole target. The very impressive total of 79 points was more than enough to add a Major to the Mustard Jacket in his list of achievements. The number of two-stroke holes will be somewhat fewer from now on.

Michael started the day four points off the pace, but, by the 9th, he was ten points in arrears, and hoping for a miracle performance on his part or a serious crash and burn on the other part. Neither came to pass, but Michael did manage to complete the back nine just one stroke over par for nineteen points, bringing the margin back to just the eight points. Michael was also doing a fair bit of barracking for CJ, who, for some reason, was hitting his tee shots straight, or even, on occasion, with a bit of a draw. While this is generally seen to be a good thing, when you have been playing to a ‘power fade’ for as long as CJ has, it can pose a bit of a problem for ball placement. None more so than on the 17th, where his ball finished half under the boundary fence, and a couple of club motions (not to be confused with swings) to even get the ball to move from the spot. CJ’s rather ‘average’ tally of 26 points today was enough to keep hold of third spot, and to beat Raj, which pleased Michael no end.

Craig started off with his usual straight down the middle on the first, and fairly easily got his par to start the day. The rest of the front nine was pretty much to handicap until the 9th, where a scratch limited the score to just 16 points. The back nine produced just a few too many star pickets, and the 30 points bottom line brought his tally for the event to 60. Raj obviously gave himself a good talking to after last week, and, with the help of a chip-in birdie on the 12th, he produced the equal second best score of the day to bring his total for the event to 60 for a tie with Craig for 4th place. This was also one of the ‘missing’ birdies in his Eclectic. SOS got his wires slightly crossed today and put his GA handicap on his Club card and vice versa. However, this did not stop him from elevating himself from barbecue jockey to point scorer with his event total of 56 points, a mere 23 behind the event winner. The jury is out on whether either of those two occurrences are unique in the history of the club.

Others on the ‘daily’ podium were JQ and Harry, who both clocked in with 33 points. JQ was just back from taking in the sights of most of Europe, and claimed to be seriously jet-lagged, but with the stated aim of qualifying for the Monthly Medal next week. Harry wasn’t sure how the day would turn out, but he was prepared to pull the pin if anything untoward came to pass. The front nine was a bit average, but he started the back with a par, and it looked as if the result might be similarly average if the trend of the next three holes was a guide. The ‘drainer’ of the day for a birdie on the 14th (the second of the two that we scored) started a bolt for home that resulted in a Pavlovian reaction from Michael to reach into the hole to retrieve the ball after every putt, and produced a 38 off the stick (including a seven). Not quite a personal best for the nine, but Raj was laying claim to his PB for the back with his 35 off the stick.

The last of the Matchplay quarter-finals was played today between Brent and Targe. There was just the little matter of the 22 strokes that separated the two on the handicap table. You couldn’t really say that either of the contestants brought their best game on the day, which actually makes for an interesting match. Brent did manage to get an early lead, and, by dint of the conceded strokes, Targe was able to hold the fort, and not let the game get out of control. After the 13th, Brent was still two holes to the good. It’s unclear whether Targe had been running dead, but he made par on the next two holes. The 15th was via the trees out to the right, with a shot through a gap onto the green, followed by a rattled in putt. They traded holes over the next two, and it came down to the last where an equal off the stick result gave the match to Targe, one up.

The Jackpot BallPin on the 7th was won, but not without some measurement to determine the result. Michael fell about a metre short of taking the balls from Craig. On the 18th, the green was bare until the last group, and CJ was able to put one on to collect the ball. SOS was so confident for the ProPin on the 12th, that he didn’t even bother to put the marker out on the green. Unfortunately, CJ was able to trump SOS’s 4.86m with a shot to a mere 2.97m. He did wimp the putt, though.

Charlie would have been celebrating yesterday as he settles into his new digs in London, because it was his birthday. If Ben plays next week, be sure to wish him one of the best, because he will be celebrating a new landmark. SOS was in charge of the catering, and, having led the charge around the course, he was calmly monitoring the progress of the cooking of the burgers and snags when he noticed that the plate seemed to be losing heat. Rats, out of gas. Does the ProShop have a spare bottle? No such luck. Quick dash to get a replacement. Back just in time to get the ball rolling and to finish the cooking before the stragglers straggled in. Thank heavens for small mercies. The burgers and snags went down a treat, so much so that CJ was running a Uber delivery service to staff members in the ProShop. Do you want special sauce with that sausage?

Results for Saturday, 27 Jul 2024
1st Steven Gervasoni (42, 37, 79) 2nd Michael Gourlay (38, 33, 71) 3rd Chris Priems (35, 26, 61) 4th Craig Cameron (30, 30, 60) 4th Rajesh Mahto (25, 35, 60) 5th Stephen O’Sullivan (21, 35, 56)

Seniors Results: 1st Steven Gervasoni (42,37,79) 2nd Michael Gourlay (38,33,71) 3rd Chris Priems (35,26,61)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Chris Priems BallPin No 1 – 7th Craig Cameron BallPin No 2 – 18th Chris Priems

In week one of a major, the interest in the first-round leaderboard is matched, perhaps even surpassed, by interest in who will be wearing the aprons in the cooking group for next week.

At the half-way mark, Adam formally awarded “The Apron” to Brendon who had scored 9 points on the front 9.

Brendon subsequently rallied on the back with 18 points and his total of 27 was enough to avoid cooking duties, just.

We all know SoS can cook and with his 21 points he will have yet another chance to show us his Master Chef skills next week, with Targe and Harry for company.

Harry was one of the big stories of the day. Having battled through the first 10 holes feeling crook as the proverbial dog, he finally did the sensible thing and pulled the plug. Later on, back in the clubhouse, with Dr Dan still out on the course, SoS did a medical consult with Harry and between them they decided Harry’s heart rate was a bit all over the shop and an ambulance was called. The Ambos weren’t too concerned that Harry was in immediate trouble, but keen to get him to hospital and checked out.

Good news is that by Saturday night Harry was back home and feeling much better, the heart rate having got back to normal and he’s already talking about tearing the course up next week. You gave us a bit of scare there Harry, but great to hear you got good care from the Ambos and the hospital (and SoS) and are feeling better.

PS. The rumour that Harry scored more points in 10 holes than SoS did in 18 isn’t quite true, but it was a close run contest.

Without Harry, we had 12 players with completed cards today, and two of those (Prez Priems and Dan) won’t be around next week due to work commitments. Dan starts his 6-month stint at Shepparton Hospital this week. He has been pleased to discover he isn’t rostered on as many weekends as he thought he might be, so despite this being his official “last” game for a while, he might be able to sneak back for a few games here and there.

Meanwhile Steve was back for his first game in a while and blitzed the field with 42 points, including 26 on the front 9. Quite a stunning score especially given the difficult windy conditions, although luckily the predicted heavy rain mostly stayed away. Hopefully Harry will be well enough next week to make sure Steve’s handicap of 29 gets a big chop.

Michael has been in therapy all week after playing angry last week. Rather than keep throwing his clubs this week, he decided to switch to his alternate set of “winter” clubs and on a very wintry day, the club changed seemed to help Michael’s mood and score. 69 off the stick and 38 points sees him in second place.

CJ played solidly all day for 35 points and third position on the leaderboard. Brother Rob was fourth with 32 points, although with Rob not playing next week the next best, Craig with 30 points, is effectively in fourth position, with Adam next in line on 28, Brendan and Stan on 27 and Raj on 25.

If we get another day of dirty weather next week, it might be interesting what total score will be good enough for fifth placed points and whether this will break any club records for a major.

Raj had two birdies of the five across the field today. His other claim to fame was hitting the same tree 3 times on the left-hand side of the 11^th with his second, third and fourth shots.

Brendon won the money on the 12^th with a shot to 2.66m. He is also rumoured to have comprehensively won the fight (well the war of words) when some impatient “non-Ivanhoe” folk (was it the Burnley boys) who hit off the tee on the 14^th before Brendon’s group had completed hitting their second shots.

Steve won the ball on the 18^th to cap off his great day and the ball on the 7^th jackpots, with Michael, CJ and Brendon all a bit stiff there with shots that finished just off the green.

Meanwhile a bit of movement on the much coveted Eclectic Championship, with Raj’s birdie on the 9th moving him into equal second with Brendon with only “cue in the rack” Charlie ahead of them.

Eclectic specialist Brendon, the defending champion, missed a golden opportunity on the 12th to edge closer. Hard to believe Brendon hasn’t birdied the 12th once this year. He also has the 2nd, 4th and 9th up his sleeve still to birdie.

Raj ditto hasn’t yet birdied the 12th and he also still has the 2nd, 6th, 7th, 8th, 10th and 18th up his sleeve. The smokey in the Eclectic is Bobby in 4th place. He might run them all done by year’s end.

As it stands, we will have 11 players from Round 1 there for Round 2 of the Fred Howe Winter Cup. If any other members would like to come down for a game, please come and enjoy both the golf and the BBQ.

Results for Saturday, 20 Jul 2024
Leaderboard Round 1: 1st Steven Gervasoni (42) 2nd Michael Gourlay (38) 3rd Chris Priems (35) 4th Robert Priems (32) 5th Craig Cameron (30)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Steven Gervasoni (42) 2nd Michael Gourlay (38) 3rd Chris Priems (35)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin – 12th Brendon Mitchell BallPin No 1 – 7th Jackpot BallPin No 2 – 18th Steven Gervasoni