Yearly Archives: 2018

There was a lot of scratching of chins and poring over radar images around the tee marshall’s table this morning.  Has the rain almost gone, or is there more coming?  What are the greens like, puddled or not puddled?  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, ten members and a guest decided that it was worth a shot and the fivers came out and the names went on the sheet and we repaired to the first tee.  And the rain came down even harder and the wind made a desultory effort to blow.  By half way down the second, a fair portion of the field was beginning to question the wisdom of the decision that had been taken so lightly only half an hour or so earlier.  But, they pressed on and, by the fourth, the rain had eased to a drizzle and by the seventh you would have to be wondering what all the fuss was about.  By the eleventh, the first shadows were spotted and all was well with the world.

There was some puddling on the greens while it rained and this did cause some problems despite taking relief from casual water.  There were chips that went long and chips that ended up short.  There were putts that went long and putts that ended up short.  But the long and the short of it was that the conditions were the same for everybody.  Now, everybody knows that Simon has been getting some stick from the handicapper about errors on his card and so he has been extra careful to get his scores and maths correct.  He was concentrating so much today that he kept claiming ‘five a two’ despite it being a par event.  And, despite his best efforts, it turns out that he got his handicap wrong and, in actual fact, he tied with Gordon for first place.  Which will cheese Gordon off no end as he was hoping to peg Simon back a notch in the Seniors Championship.  But, he was pretty pleased with his two birdies today.  The one on the 15th was a bottler with a 10m putt that never looked like missing the hole.  And two birdies was a fairly significant percentage of the five that were tallied for the day.

Damo was one of the ones on the verge of chucking it in on the second and that was when he was still about 200m out from the green as he headed for one of his few misses for the day.  But, as the weather improved, so did Damo’s golf and he managed to play to equal par on the back nine and to finish up with a square card at the end of the day.  Although the weather did remind him a bit of New Zealand, Brendon, too, was only inspired to press on by the fact that he had managed to get himself out of bed and onto the course.  However, it did pay off in getting him some points and despite the -2 scoreline he volunteered to take them anyway.

Gordon was obviously very excited about his performance and the fact that he thought that he had beaten Simon and so he made something of a blooper when he filled out the Beast’s card.  As  result, our newest member Peter has scored himself some points by filling 4th place with a score of -4.  Welcome to the Club Peter.  Undoubtedly, Bill would have corrected the placings on the spot had he been around as he had filled out the points on his card correctly although he did sign for the points that Gordon had written down but he still gets a point thanks to Si.

The BallPin was placed on the 4th today as a change from the 12th where it has resided for the last little while.  Wouldn’t you know it, nobody managed to get their ball onto the green.  Harry put his close enough to win it on the 12th which says a fair bit about Harry’s game today.  The first ProPin was a Jackpot on the 15th from last week.  And, if you go back through the records, the fellow that has managed to take it out on a fairly regular basis in recent times is none other that Si, who managed to make it to 1.71m  Couldn’t sink the birdie though.  He then nearly had an attack of apoplexy when Damo’s shot whistled in and landed closer to the pin but spun back to finish just a little further away.  Big sigh from Si! On the 18th, Gordon creamed it and, from the tee, he was quite convinced that he would be about 50mm off the green at the back.  As it turned out he was on the green and 2.23m from the hole.  Then, he left the putt about 50mm short.

Daniel joined us again and put together a much improved round for his second card.  The spies suggest that there is a bit of potential there and we look forward to seeing him on the podium when he gets his wings and qualifies for competition.

Steve joined us for the first time in a little while and maybe that showed a little in the scoreline.  He did own up to what seems to have been the only draughtie for the day.  A monster shank from the 14th tee finished in the shrubbery and unplayable (plus it probably counts as garden bed in any case).  The next shot from the drop on the tee was scarcely better and came to rest still short of the red markers.  So, another of the so-called ‘double draughties’.

Maybe we can put it down to the feelings of joy and happiness around Christmas time but the Birthday Birdie has a busy week this week with good wishes being distributed to Brendon, ChrisV and el Presidente, John.  Have a good one guys.

On the injury front, Targe has checked out of rehab and will be staying with family for a little while as his recovery continues.  He has promised to make it to the course on occasions just to keep tabs on us all though it will undoubtedly be some little time before he can swing a club again.  He really appreciated the many visits from members while he was in hospital.  Allan is off his crutches and seems to be little the worse for wear after his bunker mishap.  He is adamant that the reason for having to crawl from the car to the front door was not due to overindulgence and he reckons he could be back in harness in the next week or so.  Mal’s hand has healed well and he was able to play nine holes on Thursday without too much discomfort and we look forward to seeing him back with us particularly as the weather improves and warms up a bit.

Results for Saturday, 11 August 2018
1st Gordon Hill(+3) 1st Simon Powell(+3) 2nd Damien Lee(□) 3rd Brendon Mitchell(-2) 4th Peter Damou(-4) 5th Bill Eastoe(-5)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (+3) 1st Simon Powell (+3) 2nd Bill Eastoe (-5) 3rd Harry Boughen (-7)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Simon Powell ProPin No 2 18th Gordon Hill BallPin 4th Jackpot

There’s nothing like the prospect of winning a Medal to bring out the animal in a person.  And there were twenty-two animals competing for the August Medal today.  The rain in the previous day had only a minor effect on the course except for the 14th tee that was rather squishy underfoot and had one member muttering about ‘casual water’.  Maybe there was a particularly heavy shower went through that neck of the woods.  Our newest member Peter was inspired to bring his friend, Daniel O’Rourke, along today to introduce him to the joys of Ivanhoe and the good company that our little Club offers.  So, a big welcome to Daniel and we hope to see more of you in the near future.

Bill started off his round at a fairly leisurely pace and by the end of the first nine he had used up precisely half (or thereabouts) of his handicap strokes.  Not sure who issued the challenge but an impromptu ‘match’ was agreed with Porks for the back nine with a beer on the result.  The thought of a beer obviously inspired the Beast and he proceeded to demolish the back nine coming home one under par for the nine and busting his handicap by six with a nett score of 62.  When his tee shot from the 17th disappeared over the trees, Bill took the precaution of playing a provisional but, as it turned out, the ball was safely on the green and he two putted for the birdie.  On the 18th, his drive hit the pin and dropped to the green 1.21m from the hole for another easy birdie and a jackpot pool for the ProPin.  The two birdies were a significant contribution to the tally of seven for the day.

Joe also contributed to the tally of birdies today on the 11th hole.  Now, you might very well ask what is so special about that.  Well, as you know, Joe is capable of hitting a monster drive.  Which he did.  He then made a monster duff sending the ball not very far at all.  He then followed up with a chip into the hole for his birdie and helped himself along the way to a nett 66 which held the Clubhouse lead for some considerable time.

Gordon reckons he is ‘back’.  And just to prove it, today his card had only one blemish.  He had a three on the 15th.  Every other score was either a four or a five.  Jason was another who used up half his handicap on the front nine.  He didn’t quite emulate Bill on the back and he did get a bit cranky about some errant shots that cost dearly on the score-line.  But he did manage to come in just under his handicap to join Gordon on 67.

Noodles was a bit disappointed with his first four holes and his last four holes so he obviously played well on the other ten.  Simon can’t get over the fact that Noodles has never played the 14th from the 14th fairway (or not very often anyway).  Si also can’t get over the fact that Trev gets more than 20 more strokes that he does and beat him out of a point in the Seniors.  But, hey, that’s what handicaps are for.  Plus, you have to consider that Trev’s score included an airie on the tee at the 15th.  At least Trev won’t get any more handicap back, this week at least, with a square card of 68 nett.  Pepsi was obviously a little wrung out by his performance over the previous two weeks and could only manage a 75 off the stick for a balance of 71 for the last Championship point on offer.

The BallPin on the 12th created a bit of interest and a couple of people hurt when the green slope (and possibly the wind) helped to bring their ball almost back off the green.  In the end it was Chrispy who collected the pill which might very well have been the highlight of his day.  The ProPin on the 15th managed to avoid being challenged and so there will be a jackpot pool available for next week.

The Golf Gods were obviously having a ball on the second today with the tee back on the tank bank for the ‘black’ course.  In some ways, it might be a shorter list to name those that didn’t have one.  But, here goes.  In the front group, there were no less than three with RodG, Ben and Trev succeeding in not getting past the red markers.  Pepsi was the fourth member of the group and as he had to nick off early, the three miscreants declared all quits and no super funds were damaged as a result.  Chris is one who normally takes on the trees on the left with his ‘power fade’ and whether that brought him unstuck is a bit unclear but the scorecard told the tale and the ‘fat lady’ sang.  The words Brendon and draughtie are not often seen in close proximity but they were today, also on the second.

There was one other reported and that was down to Peter on the 12th.  And it raised a ‘technical’ question.  The first shot finished inside the hazard and was deemed to be ‘playable’  The second shot, didn’t quite come off and the ball popped out still short of the red markers.  The question was – does that count as a ‘double draughtie’.  Not something that is covered in the Rules of Golf, unfortunately, but perhaps a draughtie can only originate from a tee shot would be a reasonable interpretation.

Michael put himself among the trees on the left of the 10th and had a view of the green that afforded a glimpse of the flag and not much more.  He pulled out his trusty one iron (and everybody knows not even God, or is that Gord, can hit a one iron) and proceeded to thread it between the trees.  The gap was so narrow, he reckons the ball took bark off both trees on the way through.  And the ball finished on the green and not too far away from the pin. And, wouldn’t you know it, nobody in the group saw the shot.

Keith was back with us today after a bit of a break and he started early with the excuses claiming not to have swung a club for months.  He then proceeded to direct them long and straight down the middle (for the most part).

Simon has been carrying on all week about the new putter that he had ordered with the reactive face and the ‘special’ grip.  The new artillery arrived and he ‘blooded’ it today and was heard to say that – first five holes, one putt.  What he didn’t explain was that it was one putt per hole.  Which is still pretty impressive though he did miss out on getting any points in the Seniors.  Or has that already been said?

Targe seems to be getting along well on his road to recovery and he has been well pleased with the regular visits from Club members.  He will be going ‘home’ later in the week so if you want to catch up while he is still ‘captive’ the next few days will have to be it.  Also, give a thought to Allan, who suffered a bit of a mishap in a bunker during the week (pretty sure he wasn’t driving Thunderbird at the time) and has hurt his back and will be on crutches for a while and we won’t be seeing him and Thunderbird around the course for a little while.  And, while on the injury list, Mal had a mishap a little while back and suffered a severely lacerated hand requiring significant stitching as well as damage to his shoulder, ribs and leg.  So, a big get well and see you back soon to all on the injury list.

Oops, the Birthday Birdie almost forgot that Harry will get one step closer to playing his age this week though he is beginning to think that he will have to live a very long time to do so.

Results for Saturday, 04 August 2018
1st Bill Eastoe(62) 2nd Joe Wagenecht(66) 3rd Gordon Hill(67) 3rd Jason Hopkins(67) 4th Stephen Butterfield(68) 4th Trevor Jackson(68) 5th Andrew Petricola(71)

Seniors Results: 1st Bill Eastoe (62) 2nd Gordon Hill (67) 3rd Trevor Jackson (68)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Jackpot ProPin No 2 18th Bill Eastoe BallPin 12th Chris Priems

The eclipse of the moon didn’t keep too many people away and there were a few extras who turned up, probably attracted by the prospect of a bar-be-que lunch afterwards.  There were some who didn’t hang around for the delights of snags and burgers but those that did, hoed in with gusto and there weren’t a huge number going begging at the end of the day.  Even Brendon’s kids were persuaded to tuck in (sort of).  Twenty one players battled it out for the hope of varying degrees of glory and the weather was very kind with the temperature climbing to ‘strip off jumper’ levels by the end of the round.

The man who didn’t need a jumper at all he was running so hot was none other than Pepsi who carded another handicap breaking round of 38 points to hold off all comers and took out the Winter Cup with an unchanged margin of three strokes.  He only managed this by losing a ball on the 17th for one duck-egg which kept company with the one he scored on the 15th for unspecified reasons. Maybe he was just trying to protect his handicap.  Pepsi has certainly taken a big jump up the Championship Table and he is now jostling with Damo near the top of the Vardon ratings.

Gordon was also going pretty well today and by about half way through the back nine he was starting to form an opinion that he pretty much well had Pepsi’s measure.   Alas, it was not to be and Gordon could only equal Pepsi’s score on the day and so he had to settle for second place in the field.  Perhaps Gordon should have been smelling a rat when a somewhat errant drive on the 16th struck something on the ground and nicely diverted back onto the fairway.  On investigation, the object did indeed prove to be a very dead rat.  Lucky for some!

The other three musketeers from the leaders group all started out as if they meant business and put together scores of 20 or 21 points on the first nine and had matched Pepsi in the process.  But, like Pepsi, they all faded just a bit on the back and could only bring their scores up to 36 points for the round.  And thus it was that the final placings exactly matched the leaderboard placings for about the first time in living memory.  John, Rob and Brendon being the members in question.

However, the round of the day would have to be that put in by Ben.  As you know, Ben has just finished getting his handicap back after an extended lay-off.  There were gasps of horror at the first when it was made known what the new handicap was but Ben did not disappoint and proceeded to duff his tee shot.  The form slump did not last long and Ben was soon filling his card with three and four pointers.  Towards the end of the back nine, his conscience got to him and he offered up a couple of duck-eggs just the keep his card at a respectable 39 points.  Just think of it as an early Birthday present says the Birthday Birdie.

The BallPin was on the 12th and it was fiercely contested.  Damo had put his to four putter lengths of the hole.  Harry’s looked closer but a series of measurements by pacing and club measurements by different people were unable to come up with a clear answer.  In the end, SOS took pity and awarded two balls for the event.  The first ProPin was on the 15th and Dale blocked out (literally) all comers by leaving the ball 1055mm directly in front of the hole.  He easily made the birdie and so he helped to bring up the total to 19 for the day.  Damo claimed about five of those and helped his Eclectic total along a little in the process.  There is a bit of tightness at the head of the table but a few strategically placed birdies can make all the difference even if the leader does have two eagles on the card.  The second ProPin on the 18th went begging after Simon was not quite on the green and John forgot to measure and mark his (or so he says).

There were two draughties today and they both occurred on the 15th.  John and SOS were the perps on that particular hole and we really only have Porks word that his initial shank into the scrub on the same hole actually got past the red markers.  SOS had a lucky escape on the 9th where a near miss apparently went between his legs and hit a tree to bounce to a finish just millimetres in front of the reds.

Pepsi was putting for his par on the 12th and was just starting into his downswing when the timekeepers at the football next door blew the siren for half-time.  The startling was startling enough for the putt to miss and there were some dark looks directed across the fence.

Chrispy admitted to a little blasphemy today and said he was a bit embarrassed that he had done so in front of a couple of kids.  Some wondered whether he was referring to anybody in his playing group.  And while on the subject of kids, Sienna volunteered to take Brendon’s tribe down to take part in the children’s lesson that she was running.  It was volunteered that maybe SOS should tag along as well after a less than stellar performance today.  If you want to know, have a look at the leaderboard.

A group was teeing off on the 15th when a call of fore was made from the 14th.  A second urgent call elicited a comment from Porks, “Tell him he’s dreaming”  as Brendon’s ball whistled overhead and finished at the front edge of the tee box.  A bit lower and Porks might have been ‘dreaming’.

Even though Whitey did not play last week, he put himself forward with alacrity and did a great job of cooking the bar-be-que with nary a burnt snag or burger to be seen.  So wrapped up did he become that he forgot to put his card in until he went to his car and found it still in his bag.  There’s dedication for you!

Results for Saturday, 28 July 2018
1st Andrew Petricola(41, 38, 79) 2nd Gordon Hill(38, 38, 76) 3rd John Quinlan(37, 36, 73) 4th Robert Priems(36, 36, 72) 5th Brendon Mitchell(34, 36, 70)

Seniors Results: 1st Gordon Hill (38,38,76) 2nd Harry Boughen (33,30,63) 2nd Simon Powell (33,30,63) 3rd Dennis Ward (33,28,61)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Dale Webb ProPin No 2 18th Jackpot BallPin 12th Damien Lee

The weather was so nice today that a kangaroo (not a Shin-boner) came out to check out the delights of Old Ivanhoe.  He stopped in the middle of the 6th and coughed loudly and in the process put Chrispy off his shot.  I wonder if this will be an omen for the footy match that Chris and Brent, his North Melbourne supporting son-in-law, were rushing off to watch.  Other Collingwood supporters in the club were taking heart from the carolling that a group of magpies were making on another part of the course.  Could this be another omen.  Only one can be right.  Time will tell.  Regardless of the omens, there were 20 players out on the course with 18 competing for the Fred Howe and two guests competing for their handicaps.  Peter has put in his third card and now has his handicap, just a fraction too late to be eligible for this event.  Ken Watson, a good mate of Rob, came along and put his card in and Rob is quietly confident that he will see what a good bunch of blokes we are and that, in the fullness of time, he will complete the set and join us on some sort of regular basis.

Ten people started off their round with a par on the first.  One with a birdie.  But the bloke for whom the pars just kept coming and coming was Pepsi who made enough birdies to just about offset his bogies to bring in a card one over par for the round and a total of 41 points.  A very nice start to a major tournament although, when asked, Pepsi opined that it could have been better.  Some people are never satisfied.

Gordon wasn’t too happy with his practice round on Thursday after his short game appeared to have abandoned him.  So, he made a resolution that he was only going to use his wedge around the green today.  He largely kept to the resolve and the result showed on the scoreboard with a very commendable 38 points the result.  A little bit of work to do but he obviously doesn’t want to go head to head with Pepsi as there is some sort of excuse about needing to get away early and having to be in the first group.  But don’t the first group have to cook the barbie?

Next, we have the man who would have to be either the luckiest or the unluckiest man in the Club depending on your point of view.  His drive on the 17th carried straight and true across the trees and swamp, landed on the green and ran on up to the hole.  It crossed the boundary of the hole, contacted the pin and fell to the side only millimetres from the hole.  Very nearly the Club’s first Albatross but the easiest of tap-ins for the Eagle and a very fine dividend of 13 balls from the Nest.  SOS tried to suggest that, if it had gone in (and opinions suggest that, if the pin had not been there, it would have), he would not have been eligible to collect as it wasn’t, technically, an Eagle.  Anyway, that nice little score helped him to 37 points and a Leaderboard placing of 3rd.

The 17th certainly had its moments today.  Rob tried for the green (or did he?) and his ball disappeared into the trees and hit something.  Rob was mostly hoping to be allowed to assume that it was in the hazard when it was found on the fairway side of the trees with a narrow gap between the big tree and the pond  Rob opted for that path and skinnied the ball such that it could easily have ended in the rough beyond the green or even out on the path.  However, there was a duck strategically placed on the green and Rob’s ball went close to disappearing up the duck’s fundament and stopped dead on the green.  The 15m putt teetered on the edge of the hole and then rocked back and stayed out.  That could easily have been two holes and two birdies in two shots.  The real Birdie brought the total of that particular feathered variety to eleven.

Rounding out the five most likely was Brendon who had a really baaaaad back nine after almost taking the front nine apart.  Who said Kiwis didn’t like sheep!

The Nearest the Pin competitions today were all on the usual suspects.  The BallPin was on the 12th and Chrispy put in an early claim but he was outdone by Pepsi who collected the ball.  With his swing in fine fettle, Peps repeated the dose on the 15th take out the mobile ProPin with a shot to 3.23m.  The big money today was on the 18th and with the pin on the lower deck there was perhaps more chance for it to go off despite the pin being placed dangerously close to the front edge of the green.  In the end, Simon got closest with a shot to 3.61m.  He had to dash off and, despite the heart-felt assurances from his group-mates that he had agreed to share and they would take care of it, SOS has held over the dividend until next week.

There were quite a few draughties today and the 2nd was a particularly happy hunting ground.  Ken’s was a bit stiff as he got a gum tree dead centre and the ball bounced back into the danger zone.  Harry skulled his into the reeds and despite a detailed search he could only come up with five balls that weren’t his.  A bit tough trying to score a point hitting three still on the back tee-box.  But have pity of Porks, who had taken two shots and still had not reached the red markers.  The video will be published on the Facebook page in due course.  Not to be outdone, the 15th claimed a couple of victims as well.   Chrispy was one that had trouble getting from the high tee to the low tee.  Dennis went scrub bashing and also found about five balls, none of which was his and claimed some sort of a moral victory in that it could not be proven that he did not make it the the red markers.  Mr Trump would probably have great difficulty with that sentence!

Coming back to the 17th, it was almost a case of a double-eagle today.  Brent smashed his drive to about  a metre past the hole and was judged to be almost a sure thing from that distance.  Whether it was nerves or the fact that he would soon be off to watch the footy, he missed the hole by a margin and finished past almost as far as he started.  The birdie was achieved (thank goodness).

Allan was back with us today after an extended lay-off with illness (including pneumonia).  Welcome back Allan and glad that you are well again.  Allan was well rugged up and laid claim to wearing four layers but it seems that Gordon reckons that he had on five.  Except, of course, for his legs which were bare.  Brendon was noticed deep in conversation after the game, holding forth for several minutes and all the time stirring his coffee.  Must be about the best mixed cup of coffee ever!  Mehmet turned up at the end.  He did intend to play and even got up for a coffee and a fag but then decided that there was something much more attractive about (or was that in?) bed and so back into the feathers he went and we missed out on seeing his smiling (bearded) face out on the course.

Don’t forget, even if you didn’t play today you are welcome to come along next week and tuck into the fine fare of bar-be-que food that will be on offer.  You could also win a ball in the ball-run if you have a good round.  Just let us know (everybody) so that we can get the catering right.

Results for Saturday, 21 July 2018
Leaderboard Round 1 1st Andrew Petricola(41) 2nd Gordon Hill(38) 3rd John Quinlan(37) 4th Robert Priems(36) 5th Brendon Mitchell(34)

Seniors Leaderboard: 1st Gordon Hill (38) 2nd Harry Boughen (33) 3rd Bill Eastoe (31)

Nearest the Pin Results: ProPin No 1 15th Andrew Petricola ProPin No 2 18th Simon Powell BallPin 12th Andrew Petricola

Eagle’s nest Results: Eagle 17th John Quinlan